BLUE || 18+ (Monsters #4)

Chapter - 49

I ate as much as I could with my stomach filled with anxiety, which wasn't much. Dante didn't push me and just ate what I had left. He set the dishes in the sink and sat back down. I sipped my coffee. Usually, I cleaned up after we ate. But I was not exactly feeling very happy.

"See," I said. "I didn't know you would be mad about the engagement, considering the fact that you yourself were engaged."

He stayed quiet, elbows on the table. He ran a hand through his hair which had almost dried now. My eyes lingered on his biceps.

I gulped.

"Okay," he said.

"Don't kill him."

He tilted his head and he smiled. "I want to kill him."

"I am asking you to not kill him," I whispered. "I don't want to lose Henry."

He took my hand in his, caressing my wrist. "What will you do if I kill him?"

"Resent you for the rest of my life."

"I don't think you can resent me."

"As I said, I know myself more than you know me."

He chuckled, kissing my wrist. I gulped again.

He pressed his thumb on my pulse, a small smirk came on his lips. "Yes, I can feel the resentment."

I didn't say anything. I ripped my hand out of his grip and folded my arms against my chest. I could feel my heart beating harder.

"I won't kill him," he said after a while. "If you answer a question."

I nodded. "Ask."

"How was Kylie killed?"

I froze like I always did when someone mentioned her name. Kylie - a gifted art student. Creeds' precious cousin. The girl I killed.

I looked away from him, breathing hard. "I-I..." I squeezed my eyes shut. "I was at a party with my cousin - Hunter."

"Cousin?"

"Yes," I said. "My uncle's son, he was like three years younger than me. He was in college already. Yale, actually. So ridiculously smart with bright fucking future in front of him. We both drank quite a bit that night. I had just published the last book of my series. It was in upstate New York, in sort of an isolated house. We tried calling our mothers, they don't know this, but they didn't pick up. I had a event sort of early the next day so I needed to be back in my apartment before that."

"We decided to drive back ourselves, drunk out of our minds, and no one was sober enough to knock some sense into us."

He slowly took my hand back in his. I let him.

"Then it happened. We were driving past a park, bantering and laughing."

I looked at him with tear-filled eyes, I knew my guilt was obvious in my eyes. "A truck came out of no where ... absolutely no where. It smashed into us and threw the car into the park, where Kylie was, sitting on a swing."

He let out a breath. "Blue-"

"We were stupid and we ruined someone's life. My cousin died because he pushed me out of the car first. My phone was smashed. The truck driver ran away. There was no one there. Then, a car finally came by...but it was too late. Both of them were dead."

"It wasn't-"

"It was my fault," I said, covering my face with my hands. "I was the older one. I let Hunter drive. I was the one who had to be in the city. I killed both of them."

There was silence for a moment and then I felt myself get picked up. He sat down on my stool and settled me on his lap. He circled his arms around me and let me snuggle into his neck. I breathed in his scent, his...power. It helped.

He ran his large hand up and down on my back. "I won't make excuses for you, little Blue. I know that won't make you feel better. Tell me how I can make this better."

I closed my eyes. "I don't know."

He kissed my forehead. "Okay."

We were quiet for a while and then he broke it. "When...When my brothers and I were younger, our parents gave us to the Pakhan of Bratva - Igor Sokolov."

I stayed quiet, a bit breathless. He was willingly sharing something. I didn't want to stop him.

"Creeds were there already, beaten and broken. Soon enough, we were too. Igor tortured us but he played mind games with us, too. He would grab a random innocent, tell us all about their life, and then give us a choice 'Kill one of your brothers or kill them' or, when he was feeling merciful 'torture your brother or kill them'. When it was torture, we always hurt each other. But when it came to murder we...just couldn't kill eachother."

I couldn't breathe. I held him tighter. His voice was hollow.

"I've killed innocents, Blue. I've tortured them and killed them. In the starting, the guilt was there but soon it just...wasn't. In my mind, I didn't have a choice."

He dug his nose into my hair, breathing me in. "I know what it feels like," he whispered. "I am so sorry you had to go through that, baby."

My arms tightened around him, and under my fingertips, I could feel the scars on his back. Tears squeezed out of my eyes as I held him and he held me.

"I am so sorry you had to go through that," I whispered. "I don't care what anyone thinks. You didn't deserve to go through that. You were a kid."

"But nothing excuses what I've done."

"Nothing has to," I whispered. "I think we just...accept it."

"Isn't accepting forgiving ourselves?"

I pulled back, looking into his haunted eyes. I cupped his face. "I don't know."

"I don't either." He set his forehead against mine. We both closed our eyes.

"I didn't know peace before you, Blue," he whispered and kissed me. It was a gentle kiss, one which knocked my breath out of me.

. . .

So.

Y'all have the full story now ig.

Ima go sleep now. Bye bye.