The day we met // Colby Brock

Chapter 4

It was dark. I couldn't see anything. "You're nothing. you're worthless. They don't like you. You don't deserve happiness," The voice that's always in my head said. "You're a no one, You don't belong here. You are just a burden to everyone. You deserve nothing. Why don't you look like those models in the magazines? You should be ashamed of yourself,"

I woke up to Denice staring at me worried. "Are you okay?" she asked. "Yeah, why?" I asked back. "You were screaming," she said. "Another nightmare?" "I guess," I responded, still half asleep.

"I'm worried about you," Denice said. She was making breakfast and made me have something too since I didn't eat anything yesterday. "Why?"I asked her. "Your nightmares are back and you just don't seem to be yourself lately. Are you sure everything is alright?" she asked me. "Yeah everything is fine, just stressed about school," I responded. She looked worried at me. But I just stayed silent.

I finished breakfast and went to the bathroom. "I can't keep doing this kind of stuff," I think to myself. "I'll never look beautiful," I stared at myself in the mirror and was disgusted by the look of my body. Denice always says that I'm skinny, but the voice in my head is as loud as ever when it tells me that she's lying. Denice looks perfect. She looks just like a model, with beautiful long brown hair and blue eyes. The perfect body everyone would die for.

And I look like a pig. I have curves and scars all over my upper legs and arms. I could never wear a pair of shorts outside, even if it's hot. Everyone would look at me and think I'm disgusting. Just like I see myself right now in the mirror.

"Hailey?" "Are you okay?" Denice's voice sounds right outside of the bathroom. "Yeah, just needed to go to the bathroom," I responded to her. I was lying. I went to the bathroom cause I felt like I was gonna throw up. Which I did. I came out of the bathroom and Denice look at me worried. "I'm really worried about you Hailey," she said with almost tears in her eyes. "I'll be fine, don't worry," I said to her. I went straight to my room as tears began to fall from my eyes.

When I got out of my room, Sam and Colby were in the living room with Denice. "Hey Hailey," Colby said. "Hey guys," I said as I approached them. "What are you guys doing?" I asked. "We're just filming a video. Wanna join?" Denice answered. "Nah I'm good, thanks tho," I said as I went into the kitchen. I grabbed a cup from the cabinet and filled it with water to take my medication.

"Hey, are you okay?" Denice asked me. "Yeah, why?" I asked the worried girl. "I think you should make an appointment with your therapist again," she said. I stood there with wide eyes. I was on the verge of a breakdown. I didn't say anything to her and went back to my room. I put my speaker on and put music up. As I silently cried. After a few minutes, I looked in the mirror and then at my desk. The blade lay there asking to be used. So I took it and took it across my arm. I looked in the mirror and felt disgusted with myself. I took a bandaid and placed it on my fresh cuts. When I sat back on my bed, I took my notebook out and began to write my thoughts.

"Why can't I just be normal like Denice? She could do anything without any worry. And here I am, crying because I couldn't even eat breakfast without the urge to throw up. I wanna be skinny like those models in magazines. Why aren't I like them? I wish it wasn't that hard,"

After an hour of writing, I put my pen down and re-read everything I just put down. I started to cry when I looked at myself in the mirror. "God, I'm ugly,"  I whispered to myself. I stood up from my desk and went into the living room. Sam and Colby were still here. "Hey there," Colby said. "How did the video turn out?" I ask them. "Pretty good, we did a Q&A," Sam said as they all laughed. "What did you do?"Colby asked. "I was studying in my room," I lied. "Did it go well?" Denice asked. She knows, I can tell by the look on her face. "Yeah, it went well," I responded.

We talked for a while longer and before I knew it, it was already dinner time. "Do you guys wanna stay for dinner?" Denice asked Sam and Colby. They looked at each other and responded "Sure, why not?". My heart sank to the ground. I wanted to talk with Denise about this morning, but I guess it has to wait. "What do you want for dinner?" she asked the boys. "I can make something if you want, Or we can get take-out?" I asked them. "A homemade meal sounds amazing," Colby responded. "What did you think of?" I asked. "Maybe some kind of pasta?" He said. "Pasta it is. Are you allergic to anything?" I asked them. They both looked at each other and said "No,"

I went into the kitchen and started with dinner. I heard Sam and Colby laugh for a little while before I put my earplugs in and the music blasted through my ears. As I went on with cooking, I started to sing along to some of the numbers.

As I turned around Colby stood there with a smirk on his face. "Oh my god, you scared the shit out of me," I said as I took one of my earplugs out. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," he said and chuckled. "It's alright, did you need anything?" I asked the boy. "I just came to see what you're making for dinner," he responded. "I'm making pasta pesto with chicken," I said. "Sounds delicious," he said. Colby stood there as I cut the chicken into tiny pieces. "Wow, you're so good at this," he said with a smirk on his face. I couldn't help but laugh at that comment.

When dinner was almost done, I asked Sam, Colby, and Denice if they wanted to eat by the table or sit by the tv. "By the table sounds good," they responded. I went back to the kitchen to set the table as Denice came after me. "You okay?"She asked. "Yeah, everything is good," I responded. "Are you going to eat with us?" she asked. "I'm not sure yet, but I think so," I responded. Her face lit up with joy.