Let them go

Chapter 11

My heart clenched painfully.

Doctor Robins was amazing. He was kind and understanding from the first day I met him. He helped me a lot. I wished that I could tell him. I wished that I didn’t have to hide this from him.

I knew about doctor-patient confidentiality, but this was something that doctor Robins couldn’t keep from my brothers. This was something that he would have to report to the police. This was something that my brothers would have to know.

I couldn’t let that happen. I couldn’t let Ezra suffer. I had to protect him. I had to protect them.

Besides, it would be pointless to call the police for a prank.

“I know that.” I said, gulping down the lump in my throat. “Thank you for being here for me. Thank you for helping me through this. I will always be very grateful to you.”

Doctor Robins smiled at me, and I dug my nails into my palms again.

“Okay, Lucy.” doctor Robins said after a few moments of silence. “Last time you were here, we talked about the guilt you were feeling. Is the guilt still there?”

I gulped and nodded.

It was worse than before because now I knew what I did to Ezra.

“Can you tell me more about that, Lucy?” doctor Robins asked.

I wiggled in my seat nervously. I really didn’t know how to start.

“I don’t really know how to explain.” I mumbled quietly. “I just feel like I affected my brothers’ lives in a negative way.”

“What do you thing would happen if they didn’t find you in that diner?” doctor Robins asked me.

I looked down at my hands.

I would be dead. Jack would have killed me by now.

“I would die.” I said quietly.

“And how would that affect your brothers?” doctor Robins asked me.

“They would probably never know.” I said, looking up at him. “Jack would have hidden my body somewhere. Nobody would ever know.”

Doctor Robins nodded as he studied my face for a few moments.

“Do you think that your brothers were happier without you?” he asked me.

I furrowed my eyebrows. I wasn’t happier without them.

“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “I know that they missed me.”

“They did.” doctor Robins nodded.

“But was everything they’ve been through since they found me worth it?” I mumbled, looking down at my hands.

“Would it be worth it to you?” doctor Robins asked me. “If one of your brothers was in your situation, would you want to find him even if it meant that you would have to go through what your brothers went through?”

“Yes.” I answered immediately as I looked back up at doctor Robins. “I would want him back home where he was safe.”

“You don’t think that your brothers feel the same way?” doctor Robins asked me.

I bit my lip and furrowed my eyebrows.

“They probably do.” I mumbled. “But it’s different.”

“How?” doctor Robins asked me.

I wasn’t sure how. It just was. I was okay with me getting hurt. I wasn’t okay with my brothers getting hurt.

“I’m not sure.” I mumbled after a few silent moments.

“Do you think that you deserve to be hurt?” doctor Robins asked me.

Deserve? No. Nobody deserves to be hurt.

“No.” I said, shaking my head. “I’m just used to it. I grew up in pain.”

“But you shouldn’t have grown up that way.” doctor Robins said softly. “Nobody should grow up like you did, Lucy. And it doesn’t mean that you have to continue taking all the pain on yourself.”

I looked down, and I felt a tear fall on my cheek.

“The pain is easier to handle when we have people around us to take a little bit of it away.” doctor Robins continued. “You have amazing people around you, Lucy. I’m sure that they would take all of your pain away if they could, and I’m sure that you would do the same for them.”

“I would.” I said quietly, gulping down the lump in my throat.

“And if you managed to do that, would you want them to feel guilty?” doctor Robins asked me.

“No.” I answered as I looked up at him.

He nodded and gave me a small smile.

I took a deep breath and clenched my fists.

“I’m sure that they feel the same way, Lucy.” doctor Robins said. “They wouldn’t want you to feel guilty.”

They probably wouldn’t.

“Okay, Lucy.” doctor Robins said, giving me a small smile. “Is there something else that you would like to talk to me about?”

I shook my head. I was done for today. I just wanted to go home. I wanted Theo and Noah to hold me. I needed them.

“Okay.” doctor Robins nodded. “We are done for today. I will see you again next week.”

I stood up and gave him a small smile.

Doctor Robins escorted me out of his office.

My brother was already waiting for me in the hallway.

“Hi, honey.” Ezra said softly.

I approached him and wrapped my arms around his waist. He hugged me back tightly.

“Is everything okay?” he asked me worriedly.

“I just missed you.” I said, trying to swallow the lump in my throat.

“Oh, honey.” Ezra said as he kissed the top of my head. “I missed you too.”

I looked up at him and smiled. Ezra studied my face for a second. I could see a hint of worry in his eyes, and I immediately smiled even bigger. I couldn’t let him worry.

“Thank you, Lucas.” Ezra said as he looked up at my doctor. “I will see you next week.”

“Of course.” doctor Robins said. “Goodbye, Lucy.”

“Goodbye.” I said, turning around and giving him a small smile.

Ezra took my hand in his, and we walked away together.

“Let’s go home, honey.” Ezra said softly as he kissed my temple.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a second.

I would be okay. My brothers would be okay. I would make sure of it.

_____________________________________________

Hello, my dear readers! 😄

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