Letters & Poetry to no one and everyone

XI

i never really understood what storys meant when they said ' I was having flashbacks, the heat of their gaze and the fire of their touch on my skin' 

i said I did, I wanted to.

but I really didn't. That was until I started seeing you. 

i watch your gaze from above me as I stare at myself in the mirror,

smile as you kiss my collarbones so prominent in the low light. 

now that you're no longer my forever, my love for you couldn't get any damn clearer.

your soft hesitance on my skin as you kiss, lick, and bite. You loved to bite

i didn't know you loved me. Not really, not like how I did in the following months.

i loved soaking up the lust and love in your eyes as we held hands under the tables.

i think that maybe, we could have worked out once.

i'd continue being friends with you if I was just even slightly stable

but the lust in your eyes turned into sadness, the love into distance.

you avoid me in class. Pretend I don't exist in clubs. Can no longer do that solo.

i made mistakes, really horrible no-good mistakes. 

mistakes that you didn't deserve. 

so you left.

and I watched you go.

felt as the pieces of my heart crumbled into pieces, listened as the fragile pieces crashed to the floor.

i wish that I had stopped you, hold onto your hand and just said 'no'.

but I didn't, I always seem to have the worse timing. And you walked out the door.

out of my life, out of my world.

i see you now, talking and laughing with our classmates and friends.

you look...happy. And in the end i'm glad that you took my life on a whirl.

i'm glad that you saw me in that class and said 'I want her'. 

i'm glad for a little while, none of it was pretend.

five months later I'm still seeing your loving eyes from above me as you look at me as if im the most beautiful person you've seen. 

eeing your sheepish blush as I ask if you need my hair tie to tie up your hair that'll always be longer than mine.

feeling the way your delicate arms wrap around my shoulders from behind as you drag your fingers playful across my neck-- you always knew I was ticklish. 

i miss those moments.

feeling this heart shattering pain everytime I remember You're not with me.

you said no and left me alone as you moved on.

and I have no choice but to agree.