Brooklyn 99 oneshots

Holt figuring out Jake is trans

Ok so I rlly need ideas, this was all I could think of but its probably trash. Anyway, enjoy!

(Jake has adhd in this, both bc its basically canon and because I have adhd)

TWs: depression, gender dysphoria, detailed description of symptoms of depression and talk of dark thoughts.

Jake walked into the bullpen, his usual upbeat and confident posterior replaced by a hunched shell of a man. He looked like crap, taking another sip of some coffee before opening the gate to enter the precinct. Holt stood by the entrance, he'd been waiting all morning to see if Peralta would show up for work, and he finally did.

"Peralta!" Holt yelled, his arm out with his watch on display. "Where have you been? You are two hours and fourty-seven minutes late." Holt was angry, but he was more concerned.

Jake looked at him with hollow eyes and gave him a fake smile, "better than two hours, fourth eight, am I right!?" He said with pretend enthusiasm. Holt just shook his head. Jake went to walk over to his desk but his captain stopped him, putting out a hand.

"Jacob, will you see me in my office?" Holt didn't wait for a response, turning and beckoning to Jake as he walked to his office.

Jake chuckled nervously, trying to hide how bad he really felt inside. "Soo... im sorry i was late, it won't happen again."

"Peralta, try to make promises you can keep." Holt sighed. "I am sorry, i am just worried about you. You come in to work late, faking a smile. Its worrying. You always look like you are in pain and I rarely see you smile when you are sitting at your desk." Holt guested to the styrephome cup in jakes hand, "And I do not know what is in that cup, but it most certainly is not coffee."

"Wrong, it is coffee!" Jake said, grinning smuggly. The captain raised an eyebrow. "Mixed... with redbull..."

"Jake." Holt reached across his desk and put his hand over jakes, comfortingly. "I just want to help you, let me know what's upsetting you." He looked into jakes eyes, trying to let him know he was there for him as more than a captain, more than a friend. As a father.

Jake stared at his hands and fiddled with his fingers in his lap. "I just have a lot on my mind. I've been wanting to tell you something about myself for a while, and I think im finally ready." Jake took a deep breath. "Captain, I'm transgender. I've had a lot of really bad gender dysphoria recently and paired with ADHD its really been taking a toll on me. I get four hours of sleep at most, if any. I dont take care of my self as well as I should... I haven't showered in, like, longer than a week." He looked up at Captain Holt, who was listening intently, showing no signes of judgement. "I never drink water and forget to eat, even slipping food on purpose. I've been having some pretty bad thoughts about myself and they take over my mind. Since I haven't had top surgery yet, I wear a chest binder that... compresses... me, and thats why I look like im in pain. They're dangerous if you wear them for too long and im not great at remembering or caring enough to take it off. I think im depressed Captain. Im sure my childhood doesn't help, too. It just... feels like everything sucks right now and I didn't speak up because I know I could be benched for this. I couldn't risk losing the only thing that gets me out of bed every day but it didn't do it today. I think im getting worse." He looked away again, back to his hands. "I think I really need therapy."

When Jake looked back up at Holt he was speechless. "I don't know what to say," The Captain said. "But i do wish to help you, Jake. I... am correct in that I am to call you Jake? You are a transgender man, not a transgender woman?"  

Jake laughed, "No, im a trans man. Its flattering though that I pass enough for you to think I were AMAB." 

"I am so proud of you Jake, and I will fight for you and with you until the end. Whatever you need, I will provide. I can get you therapy, the precinct will provide that no problem and your career will not be compromised so long as they see you fit for work. If you start to look after yourself more, which I know isn't easy, you shouldn't have a problem. As for the binding pain, you must take breaks every day in the bathroom, you are free to use another room if you can find a free one. Try to remember that I and everyone else in the 99 is your family,  and that we love you so, so much."

Jake nodded, "Thank you, sir." He sighed.

"My pleasure,  Jacob. You are dismissed. I shall email you in regards to therapy options."

Jake smiled, really smiled, in the first time in what felt like forever. "Thanks, again, Captain." And with that he stood and left Holt's office, feeling more optimistic than he had in a long time.

🚨🚨  PLEASE, IF YOU'RE READING THIS CHANCES ARE YOU NEED HELP. FOR TRANS PEOPLE IN THE US AND CANADA, CALL THE TRANS LIFELINE!! IT REALLY HELPS, APARENTLY, AND I CARE ABOUT PEOPLE. OKAY!?? THERE ARE PLACES TO CALL, BE SAFE Y'ALL!! ❤❤❤❤🙏🙏📞❤❤❤

~ Stormy (he/they/it)