The Divorcee Murder Club

Treinta Y Nueve ~ 39

This is how I know she’s dedicated to her job and truly cares about her patients—even a smug asshole like me who bangs on her door uninvited mid-day.

“I… I had sex with my ex-wife.”

“Ok.” Gwen nods. 

“Last night.” 

“Alright.”

“And then this morning, I had sex with Mindy.”

“I see…” Gwen nods some more.

“That's it. That’s all you’ve got?”

“No. Why did you sleep with your ex, Miguel?”

“Because I’m an asshole who does shit without thinking!”

“No.” Gwen shakes her head. “What’s the real reason.”

“I…”

“Dig deep, Miguel. Why did you have sex with someone who hurt you so deeply that you had to build a brick wall around yourself.”

“Because… because Celia has always felt like home.”

Gwen nods. “And when your stepfather died, Celia was the safe space for you to land.”

“Yes.”

“But over time, she became an attachment, and attachments are about how that person makes us feel in a selfish way.”

“But why is that wrong? If someone makes me happy, then why is it selfish.”

“There isn’t anything wrong with someone making you happy, Miguel. What makes it unhealthy is the obsession we can develop with attachments. It’s the selfishness of what they can do for us. A person can add to your happiness, but ultimately, they can’t be the sole source of your happiness. You have to find peace within yourself.”

“I would like to find peace within Mindy’s legs again,” I sigh.

  “Miguel!” Gwen pinches the bridge of her nose.

“I’m kidding. It was a joke,” I laugh, but when Gwen narrows her eyes at me, I repeat myself. “It was a joke. I swear.”

“Alright, but we need to get back on track. You often use humor or vulgarity to distract from your underlying issues. I hope that one day you’ll feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable without the verbal masks.”

“So, am I having a mid-life crisis? Is that why I cried like a baby in the shower.”

“No, I wouldn’t say crying in the shower equals a mid-life crisis, but randomly sleeping with your ex does feel like a cry for help. Now, onto the next part. Why did you have sex with Mindy this morning?”

“Because…” I run a hand through my hair which is still damp.

“Because why? Dig deep. You know why.”

“Angie was in my apartment, so when Mindy knocked at the door, I panicked and had her hide in the closet. So then I thought taking Mindy to the bedroom would allow Angie to leave without being seen, but it backfired on me. It made Mindy think that I wanted to have sex, but believe it or not, I didn’t want to.”

“Ok. Let’s back up a little. Why was Angie there?”

“She needed to tell me something, but that’s not the point.” I wave my hands.

“Alight. Why didn’t you want Mindy to see her?”

“Because… I…” I motion my hands around, trying to formulate the words. “Because I didn’t want Mindy to think I was cheating on her.”