The Queen's Maid

twenty-five

It was the day of birth. The wind was fierce and deafening as if the world knew that it needed to drown out the Queen's groans. To drown out her pain.

It had been hours since her contractions began and we moved to the birth hut. For the entire time, the Queen had tumbled around the room, changing positions every half hour or so—whatever she could do to make the pain a bit more bearable. And for the entire time, I had massaged her body, even after my fingers blistered, even after my wrists stung—whatever I could do to make her pain a bit more bearable.

"Hang on, Your Majesty," the head palace lady murmured as she wiped the Queen's face.

"How long more, Sanggung?" I asked for the thousandth time.

"Soon, soon," she cooed for the thousandth time.

That had been her answer six hours ago as well. I suspected that she did not know the answer after all.

The Queen moved again, leaning her belly on a stack of hay while moaning in agony. Outside, the winds whirred. I hoped they carry the Queen's cries to the palace. Let people know about the pain she was going through. All of her sacrifice.

I continued massaging her. Occasionally, she would grab my arm and squeeze. I had to clench my teeth to keep silent—this pain, compared to the pain the Queen was going through, did not deserve a cry.

Mi-Nyu entered the hut with a basin of warm water. She and another maid had been heating water in a sheltered fireplace just outside the birth hut. We needed warm water for whenever the baby decided to arrive, so Mi-Nyu had been constantly bringing in a new supply of warm water while taking out the old basin for reheating.

Our eyes met as she set the basin down. She looked exhausted, but she gave me an encouraging smile before leaving. This was the eleventh basin of water. We might be running out of firewood soon.

The Queen rolled off the bed of hay. I held onto her as she landed on the ground on all fours, crawling and heaving.

"Your Majesty!" I exclaimed.

"It will going to be over soon," the Sanggung lied, "hang on just a little more, Your Majesty."

I stuck my hand out. "Bite my hand, Your Majesty. Give me all your pain."

That drew a weak chuckle from the Queen, but it quickly dissolved into another moan—which further distorted into a howl.

"Your Majesty!"

"The baby's coming!" the head palace lady shrieked. "Hold her up, Seul-Ki! Mi-Nyu, Bong-Ri, come in!"

I did what I had been taught; pulling the Queen up to her feet, I clasped my arms around her waist and hoisted her from the back. The head palace lady, as well as the two maids who had rushed into the hut, surrounded us and shouted frantic encouragements.

But their voices were a faded whisper compared to the Queen's. Her wails rang in my ears and echoed in my head, while her nails dug into my hands. It took everything out of me to hold her upright; I could barely keep myself upright.

My head spun. Everything was so overwhelming that I almost passed out. Or I might have—I could not recall anything that transpired during this agonizing hour. And when I finally came to my senses, the hut resounded with cries of relief.

"It's a boy!" the head palace lady announced. "Oh, thank you, Samsin halmeoni, thank you, the goddess of childbirth! It's a boy, Your Majesty!"

The Queen did not look like she was listening. Instead, she swayed in the air before slumping on me. As I laid her down on a bed of hay, the pungent smell of iron swamped my nose. There was a pool of blood under her legs. Nausea hit me and I averted my head.

"Why isn't he making a sound, Sanggung?" came Mi-Nyu's uneasy whisper.

An eerie chill settled over the hut. All eyes were on the head palace lady, whose expression soured. The baby was wrapped in layers of blanket, but he was unmoving—and frighteningly quiet. Lifting her hand, the head palace lady began to slap the baby.

We watched with bated breaths. We watched as she slapped the baby harder and harder, we watched as her face contorted more and more, we watched as realization dawned on all of us. There was nothing she could do.

There was nothing any of us could do.

"Ji-Sung," the Queen breathed.

The name sent a sudden jolt to everyone. We froze; the head palace lady's hand stopped in midair.

Then, a shuffle in the blankets, followed by a soft squeal. And a louder one. And louder, and louder.

He made it.

"Ji-Sung," I repeated. Tears streamed down my cheeks while the room broke out in celebrations. I was dehydrated, but the tears kept flowing.

Ji-Sung.

Our child.

***

We climbed into the horse carriage waiting for us. I held the baby the way the Sanggung had taught me to, while Mi-Nyu and Bong-Ri helped the Queen into the seat. All of us huddled inside the carriage, battling the chill of the winter night.

The Sanggung stayed behind to burn all the hay contaminated with blood, sweat, and amniotic fluids. Even as we moved away, the smoke permeated the air and stung our eyes.

I examined the baby under the moonlight. His skin was flushed red, his eyes were squeezed shut, and he was so impossibly small like a little kitten. Tugging the blanket around him, I kissed him on the forehead. He smelled like fresh spring grass.

"He is so beautiful like you, Your Majesty," I said. How could he not, being the Queen's child?

The Queen smiled in reply.

"He is indeed so adorable, Your Majesty," Bong-Ri chimed in.

"He has your nose, Your Majesty," Mi-Nyu added.

The Queen nodded, still too tired to speak. Then, she closed her eyes and rested her head on my shoulder.

My heart swelled. I have a newborn in my hands and the love of my life next to me. No matter how cold it was outside, I felt as warm as the summer sun.

I thought of all the things we would do together. The Queen would teach Ji-Sung how to write. I would teach him how to cook. The three of us would walk in the park together. At night, the Queen would read stories to both Ji-Sung and me. We would grow old together and watch Ji-Sung become the kind and benevolent King that we had raised.

This was to be the start of a new chapter.

At least, it was supposed to.