Ellick one shots

Untitled Part 11

The episode where Nicks in hospital after being hit by a car only he is in hospital for longer. TW: eating disorder andmention of self harm.

Ellie pov:

"I got you a sandwich eat it please," Gibbs said almost begging me to eat but i couldn't. Not while nick was so badly hurt because of me. It was the third time he has tried getting me to eat and he doesn't seem to understand that i can't. I take the sandwich out of his hand and put it in my bag for later but i know even then i won't physically be able to keep it down. There is so much food in my bag now. It isn't just Gibbs trying to get me to eat something it's everyone. I hadn't even realised they noticed i hadn't ate. 

"Please eat something even if it's just a bite or two," he begged again.

"I can't." I said bluntly and when he looked at me i saw nothing but true care and worry in his eyes but not for me for Nick. I feel bad that he feels this way and it could all be stopped if i just ate but i can't i will be sick. Nick is still in surgery after he got hit by a car because i asked him to go on a run with me. It should be me on that table not him. 

As long as he is hurt all my happiness is gone along with my appetite. I cannot bear the thought of him being in such a state because of me. Nobody will even update me on how he is, what if something has gone wrong and they won't tell me. All i can do is sit alone with my guilt in this empty corridor regretting everything that happened today.

Finally, i'm told he is out of surgery but he's in a comatose state and for days on end i stay in that empty corridor missing work just watching people walk past as i wait for him to wake up. The team sometimes comes along to see how he is and ask if i have ate. All i can say is yes to avoid the worried looks and hard conversations and when they leave i get an overwhelming feeling of guilt over lying. I wish it was me who was hit by the car. I can't even go in his room and hold his hand while i wait for him to wake up because I know the minute i see him i will be inconsolable with tears.

I can't stay in this hospital for much longer.

It has been five days since Nick got out of surgery, i can't eat while i know he is still hurt. I wonder how he must feel asleep in that hospital room. I hope he isn't in pain. The emotional pain i am going through is too much and the little i have been able to eat i've threw back up.I still haven't been to work. I don't know if i will be able to go back when Nick is out of hospital I can't face him i love him too much.

All the guilt builds up higher and higher and i can't take it anymore. There's a razor blade near but i can't not now not ever again. It's been nearly 5 years now. The only thing keeping me going now is the hope nick will wake up soon. 

The hospital calls another 6 days later; he is waking up. i rush there but when i finally arrive i can't gather the energy to go in and see him. I just look through the window of the ICU watching over him as some of the team go in one by one and see how he is.

"Bishop... Bishop... Ellie." I begin to hear. It was Gibbs.

"Sorry, what were you saying?" i ask snapping out of my phase.

"Torres, is asking for you," he says, "Are you ok?"

"Yea i'll go see hm."

I walk into his room and tears threaten to come pouring out at the sight of his battered body on life support. "Hey." was all i managed to say before the tears started rolling and i began to cry harder than i have ever cried before.

"El," Nick says and a small smile starts to spread across his face until he realises i'm crying. Great he starts to smile and i take that away.

"I'm sorry, i'm so so sorry." I manage to say in between gasps of breath.

"Come here El, you don't have to be sorry you didn't do anything," He says sitting up but as he does he winces is pain. he moves across and motions for me to sit next to him.

Reluctantly, i walk towards him and sit next to him in his hospital bed. He slowly wraps his arm around me trying not to sound too much in pain but i can tell he is. I cry into his shoulder while he hugs me releasing all the pent up guilt from the past nearly two weeks. "I'm sorry Nick."

A/N- a bit longer than some of my previous ones i'm more motivated to write now. If you or anyone you know suffers with any sort of eating disorder,self harm or mental health help can be giving.

For eating disorder: 

-  https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/get-help-for-myself/i-need-support-now/helplines/

- https://www.lifeworkscommunity.com/eating-disorders-treatment/guide-to-uk-free-eating-disorders-helplines

- https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/help-support/contact-helpline

- Your doctor

For self harm or suicidal thoughts:

- https://www.samaritans.org/

- https://www.papyrus-uk.org/

- https://www.helpguide.org/

- your doctor

Mental health as a whole:

- https://www.mind.org.uk/

- https://www.centreformentalhealth.org.uk/

- https://www.kooth.com/

- your doctor

Please if you think you need help get it and help other people who may need it nothing is to small and nobody is worthless and everybody is worth it. In the words of the doctor 'in my 900 years of time and space i've never met anybody who wasn't important' You are important, you are cared for and your life and happiness does matter.

-Ash xx