The White Wolf

Chapter 5

-2 hours later-

Almost as soon as Nicole's head hit my chest, she was asleep. I really shouldn't be letting her sleep since she more than likely has a severe concussion but I can't bring myself to wake her. After everything that's happened today, she needs to rest.
Her hands loosely wrapped around my waist, her head on my chest, and sitting on her knees. It's certainly not a position I would fall asleep in but hey. If she's comfortable then that's all that matters.

"Bucky?" I heard Steve whisper from behind me. I turned my head to see him approaching, wearing all black to stay stealthy.
"Oh my god, is she okay?" He asks as he gets closer.
"Yeah yeah. She likely has a concussion and I know she shouldn't be sleeping but I wasn't going to wake her after the day she's had." I said, Steve getting down on his knee to see her better.
"You do realize there's a whole other reason why she fell asleep right now, right?" He asked, looking at me now.
"What do you mean?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows.
"You. Buck. It's because of you. Even before you managed to get out of this mind control thing she mentioned, she wasn't scared of you. Not once. When that mask came off, I could see the fear leave her body completely. Regardless of what you could have done to her... I'm almost 100% positive she would have let you." He said as he laid his hand on my shoulder. Memories of him and in the army flashing by in my head.
Huh.. seems to be touch that brings back old memories.
"Can you carry her? There's a car just outside. Oh, and here's this. To cover the arm." He said and handed me a jacket. Carefully, I slide one arm in at a time before lifting Nicole in my arms and standing. I followed Steve out of the building and to a dark colored car. Someone else sitting in the drivers seat. Steve opened the back door for me to get in with Nicole as he got in the passenger seat. He put on a hat and pulled out the collar of his jacket before buckling himself in and giving the signal for whoever in the drivers seat to drive.
In the backseat, I laid Nicole's leg across the back seat with her head rested in my lap. I pulled the hood up on the jacket that Steve gave me to hide my face best I could. Thankfully it's night already so my dark hair won't stand out so bad.

—at the Avengers compound 4 hours later—

"She awake yet?" Tony asked as I came down the stairs from checking on Nicole. Steve introduced me to everyone and allowed me to shower and change into something more comfortable. All the security measures are up for this place so if Zemo does decide to come find us, we'll be safe here now.
"No not yet. I'm gonna check on her again in an hour. Where's Steve?" I asked and leaned against the wall.
"Oh he went to talk to Banner. Needs him to go out for something since it's not safe for him to do it right now." Tony answered and grabbed a drink from the fridge, offering me a water. I took him and nodded a thank you.
"Thank you, Tony. I appreciate you allowing me into the compound. I know I haven't given off the best impression. Once I can get my mind right, I won't have to worry about Zemo trying to tap back in." I said and sat down on the couch.
"Tell me, how does it work? He say a phrase and boom you're not in control anymore?" He asked and sat on another couch across from me.
"Pretty much. It's a series of words put together in Russian. Even just hearing the first word, I can feel myself losing control." I answered, leaning back into the couch.
"So how were you able to come out of it?" He asked, clearly never experienced someone who had been under mind control.
"It was Nik. I don't know if Steve filled you in at all but before we all got frozen, her and I were best friend like Steve and I. Maybe even more than Steve and I. I never told her, but I've been in love with her since she was 16 and I was 18. 8 years of me not ever saying a word about it to her. But Steve knew. She was all I ever talked about when it came to girls. And surprisingly enough given he's her older brother, he approved. Whenever out on a mission and I needed motivation to keep fighting, it was her that brought me back. So when I finally saw her face to face out there... I was able to fight past the mind control." I said, running my hand through my hair. Hating how long it is.
"Okay. So why not bring her back right then and there?" Banner asked, standing in the doorway with Steve behind Tony. I didn't notice they were here.
"Zemo was watching me the whole time. I couldn't let him know that I wasn't under his control anymore. So I had to act like I was still controlled. As soon as I was able to though, I made sure that Nik knew it was me. And not the Winter Soldier." I answered, looking up and Banner to answer his question.
"Buck, do you know what he wants her so badly for?" Steve asked, sitting down next to me. I let out a sigh.
"Yeah.. and you're not gonna like what it is. Cause it doesn't paint a very pretty picture of me." I said and hung my head down.
"Buck... you didn't have a choice. You weren't you then. What you may have done, you couldn't control it. Just tell me." He said, Banner and Tony watching and waiting for what I'm about to say.
"You asked... so.. the night that she was taken... Zemo's men found me. I was in pretty bad shape given I had lost an arm. So for about a week, they injected me with the serum and made me this metal arm. And the serum... while it gave me the super strength that will last forever, it also helped them to be able to put me under their control. They dried my brain so many times, I don't even remember everything clearly. It seems to be physical touch that brings some things back. Anyway.. soon after they started giving my the serum, I lost control. And that's when Zemo made me known to Nik. He had her strapped to a table for who knows how long... Steve there were so many needles in her just pumping that shit into her. I wanted so badly to break through and save her but I couldn't. Instead.. Zemo made me pin her down while he added more needles with the serum. I hated myself for doing that to her. I still do.. when all those needles still didn't do anything, he ordered me to knock her out. I was strong enough to force myself to not hit her in the face. But I still punched the shit out of her chest. Steve... I made her heart stop. I can't... I cannot ever do that to her again." I said, almost whispering the last part. It kills me that I even so much as laid a hand on her in the first place.
I felt Steve out his hand on my shoulder.
"Buck. You won't. We're gonna get you the help you need to not ever worry about being under anyone else's control but your own. And even if it does.. Buck, you know she knows you didn't have a choice. Like I said earlier, I'm pretty sure you could be the one to kill her and she would be okay with that." He said and I finally looked up at him.
"Steve, you gotta help me get this shit out of my head. I can't be the one to hurt her again" I said, feeling the tears wanting to spill from my eyes.
"We already have a plan. And you can go there whenever you're ready." He said have a reassuring smile.
"As soon as I know Nik is okay, I'll go." I said and stood up to head up the stairs to check on Nik again.