Coming to Terms ✔️

14: The Fall Apart

I shouldn't have been surprised when we got into an argument in the car.

"I'm breaking up with Charlie," I stated.

"What?" Xavier said too quickly, hitting the brakes too hard from almost missing a stop sign. "Don't do that."

My heart shattered. "Why not?"

Xavier sighed next to me. We had sat on the beach for three hours. I had sand in places I did not want sand. I had kissed him so much, my mouth felt raw. We laughed and talked about nothing important and laid in the sand forever.

It was the best night I'd ever had with him.

"Just don't," he said.

I turned my entire body towards him, facing him in an uncomfortable position from the lack of room in his truck. "So tonight just meant absolutely nothing?" I nearly shouted, forgetting that we just had the most emotional rollercoaster out there. "I cheated on him twice with you, why wouldn't I?"

He didn't say anything, just kept looking forward. I laughed humorlessly, turning away from him. That was so typical. Why did I keep getting my hopes up for this hopeless man? After everything, he couldn't stand the idea of being with me, even in secret. I scoffed to myself, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Don't pout," he snapped. "It's complicated."

"I'll fucking pout if I want to," I snapped back.

"It's not like we can be together, Bradford."

Ah, so we were back to last names. Two can play at that game. "Alright. Drop me off and delete my number then, de León," I said. Was I toxic? No, he was toxic. I think we were toxic.

"Don't be like that," he said and I just rolled my eyes.

"Fuck you," I spat. When we pulled into his driveway, I didn't waste any time. "Don't even think about coming to my house again. I'm done." I jumped out and started for my house. I heard him groan and get out of his truck. He was following me, I knew he was. So I stopped and faced him.

His voice was quiet. "I still want to see you," he mumbled, reaching over and touching me. I backed away. He furrowed his eyebrows and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Please, Harry. Tonight was really good and I don't want it to be the last, but . . ."

He trailed off and I just stared at him. Fool me once, shame on you. But fool me twice, I was just an idiot. I knew I shouldn't have come out with him.

"We're too grown to be playing games," I said, feeling my headache returning in full force. "I don't care if you want to keep everything on the low at first, but I'm not gonna' be used while you figure your shit out. I'm breaking up with Charlie either way. But we're done. Goodnight."

"Harry–"

"No. Go home!" I yelled.

Like a dog with its tail between its legs, he took some shocked steps back. I turned around and walked into my house, pressing my back against the door with a sigh when I was safely inside.

I was so tired.

Just tired of all of it. Maybe I overreacted. Yeah, I probably did. I just couldn't do it anymore. How could we make out all night and then go right back to where we started? What the fuck did he want from me?

There was no winning with him. If I did everything his way, I'd be alone forever while letting him satisfy his closet needs as he shone on as the golden straight boy everyone thought he was. It wouldn't be healthy, what he and I would have.

But he said it himself. It's not like we could be together.

The only thing that helped me go to sleep that night was the pain in my skull. Otherwise I would have been awake all night thinking about Xavier.