Abandoned By My Mate

How Do I Fix This?

"I don't love her," I repeated, but the words sounded weak even to me.

My friend shook his head, "You keep doing this to yourself and it hurts to see. Most males would kill to have the life you do and yet you keep running from it. I know you are all kinds of fucked up, Az. I just hope you figure things out before everything gets ruined."

Gritting my teeth together I turned away from him. What did he expect me to do? Open up my heart and spend every minute of every day thinking about her? That would be ridiculous. Opening up my heart I mean, as of right now I can't seem to stop thinking about her.

"Would you mind finishing up here?" I asked Bron, ignoring the knowing smile stretching his lips.

"You have somewhere to be?" He grinned, eyes searching the forest.

"Have them all come to the dining hall tonight." I growled, turning away from him, "Aslin didn't get to meet anyone yesterday."

I jogged away, accompanied by his booming laugh. My clothes were pasted to my body, but the cold didn't bother me, my running kept my body warm. I let my beast take over, the change rippling through me painfully. Bones cracked and thunder rumbled above.

There was a lookout point not far from here. I jogged up the steep trail, keeping my ears perked in case something was lurking in the forest. Lighting cracked above, revealing a cloaked figure standing on the side of the cliff. Slowly I crept closer quietly, grateful for the rain pouring down on me.

Thunder clapped and the figure whirled, the female's wide eyes meeting mine. I straightened, recognising the wild curls bouncing around her face. Esmae stared at me, her lips parted in surprise. I approached her slowly, startled to find her out here alone.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, my brows pulling together, "Where is Garren?"

Her lips dipped down, and I realized that her face was wet because of tears not rain. Her blue eyes reminded me of my Aslin. Pain speared into my heart and I quickly pulled my friend close. Warming her chilled body.

"Talk to me," I said, looking around to see what could have bothered her so much.

"I-i," She stuttered before breaking into sobs once more.

"Come let's go inside and get you something warm to drink." I started trying to guide her back towards the castle.

"No," She shoved away from me, pushing back towards the edge of the cliff, "I can't do this."

"Do what?" I asked, raising my hands in surrender as I took a step closer to her, watching to make sure she didn't get too close to the edge.

"I keep failing," She sobbed, "I thought it was going to stick this time. It had already been three months."

"What was going to stick?" I asked, keeping her talking as I got closer in case she slipped.

"I was going to have a baby," She sobbed, her fists clenching her cloak, "I've miscarried three times already. I thought this one was going to stick, so I told him and then a few hours later the bleeding started."

"Oh Esmae," I was only a few feet away now.

"Three times," She cried, "I told him we were going to have a baby three times now. Three times I lost my babies. I can't do this anymore. I can't keep hurting him like this."

"Has he been upset with you? You can't control that type of thing," I growled, rage coursing through me.

"That's the worst part. He has been so kind, but I love him. I can tell how much it hurts him. When he thinks I've fallen asleep I can hear him cry and pray to the mother to stop doing this to us." Esmae looked at me with those sad blue eyes, "I can't be here anymore."

My heart dropped as she quickly backed away. She was going to throw herself off the cliff. Lunging I gripped her cloak, using it to pull her towards me. Stumbling, she crashed into my chest, screaming and clawing at me in an effort to break away. I wrapped my arms around her tightly, letting her sob and scratch at me until she was finally exhausted, going limp in my arms.

"Esmae," I sighed, clearing my throat to get rid of the lump clogging my words, "I'm so sorry. I wish I could fix this for you, but I can't."

"Please just let me go," She cried, clutching at my torn shirt, "I can't see him again. I can't see him knowing how badly I've failed him."

"Oh honey," I murmured, rubbing her arms in an attempt to comfort her. "You haven't failed him, Esmae. You don't need to resort to this. Come back to the castle with me and I will make sure you don't have to see him until you're ready."

Her response was muffled by the thunder and I chose to believe whatever she had said was agreement. I tucked her underneath my arm and we began walking. My heart was pounding and I couldn't get Aslin off my mind. I wanted to see her, hold her and make sure she was happy. We had only known each other a short time but the thought of losing her... was best not thought about.

~~~

We reached the final set of gates and they were quickly dropped as we approached. Worried faces watched as we walked past them, but no one dared approach. Garren was nowhere to be seen which was a small relief. I had to bring her some sort of comfort and the only person I could think of to ask for help was the female with golden hair and bright blue eyes.

I led her up the stairs to my library, asking a passing maid to grab tea for three people. Esmae sat down on the leather couch and let me wrap her up in fur.

"Stay here." I commanded, hating how gruff my voice sounded.

I could lead armies and kill without a second thought, but a crying female was not something I was equipped to handle. I quickly left the room, heading towards Theorn's office.

This is bad but I genuinely hope I make someone cry.