Part 52: Jinx

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I promise you I'll be better

I promise you I'll try

But like rubbing wine stains into rugs, it's my curse

To try and make it right, but by trying, make it worse

You brought me through this darkness, but you left me here behind

And so long to the person you begged me to be

Now take a good, long look at what you've done to me

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I'm a big dumb baby. They all hate me and I know it, and I know there's no way to outrun what I am, no matter what Ekko says. But his words were so pretty.

He tells me about everything they'll change for the Undercity now that he's in charge. His eyes are bright like when we were kids and sat on the roof, daydreaming about what we'd do when we grew up. We each wanted to be inventors; he planned to make tools and I planned to make weapons, and we were gonna use both to help fissure folk and annoy enforcers. When we weren't inventing, I was gonna go on missions with Vi and make art to decorate people's houses— my studio would be in the pawn shop so I could help Ekko, since he was gonna take over it so Benzo could retire early. We wanted to make enough money someday that we could buy an electric scooter.

I don't know how I let go of those things so easy.

"Snake is dead," he says after he's gone through everything else and gotten anxious about me being quiet. "She took a bullet during the coup to save my life."

"Oh," I say. Snake let us borrow her bike and smiled at me at the Firelight hideout when nobody else did.

"We're always losing people," he says.

I only wanted to help, I only wanted to help—

"You didn't ask her to," I say.

"No, I d— how did you know that?"

The cuff scrapes and clangs against my wrist bone. I'm barefoot, but they keep the streets spotless on this side of the river and there's nothing pointy to step on, so it's all right aside from where the sun's made the pavement too hot. "You wouldn't ask someone to die for you."

"Oh," he says.

Neither of us talks again until we get to a street full of huge houses that have Caitlyn written all over them. Ekko points at the snobbiest one and says, "Vi's completely out of it, just so you know. You're not gonna be able to have a real conversation. Just hang around for a little while so she knows you're all right, and hopefully she'll calm down."

"How long until she's better?" I ask.

"Not more than a couple days. Her fever's plateaued, so it'll probably start going down soon."

We're on the front porch and one of the guards is knocking on the door in a complicated sequence. The last time I was this nervous was when Silco took me to the river to drown Powder and I felt the water closing over my face. Ekko shoots a quick glance at me and steps a bit closer. I hate that he knows how I feel.

An ancient lady who looks like if someone put Caitlyn on double intensity opens the door. She does a tiny jump, smiles the smile of a clown statue, and says, "Good afternoon, Jinx. Welcome."

Ekko said Caitlyn's parents were apprehensive about having me come over. I shouldn't be scared, since there's nobody in the world whose opinion is less important than Caitlyn's parents, but I grab Ekko's jacket again and don't let go of it until we're upstairs.

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