HER

𝙿𝚊𝚛𝚝 50

♪Everything I wanted by Billie Eilish♪

                                     Rᴏxʏ

During my childhood years, I always imagined that papi would be on his way to me, whether it by bike, car or even by foot, either way he'd still be coming to me. Checking up on me, bringing along my favorite chocolate cookies he'd occasionally bring me after work. However, in my imagination he'd never make it to me because my own mind would gaslight me about it, creating images in my head that while he'd be on his way to see me, something bad would happen to him, like an accident or he'd get gun pointed and then I'd have to be left feeling guilty about it for the rest of my life.

So, eventually, I stopped imagining it. Just so I wouldn't have to feel bad about the way I yearned for his presence.

A daughter without her father is the same like a son without his mother. Or maybe not, but that's the way I always thought about it. I felt like a daughter would have a stronger connection to her father because he's supposed to be the one man in her life that never lets her down, he's supposed to be her comfort and her strength, he's supposed to the only male who doesn't fuck up her trust.

Now, a girl can have many women role models in her life, or women who support her or who care about her, first being her mother, her grandmother, then aunts, cousins, friends and perhaps even teachers. But a man? A man who's purely minded and genuine??A man who deeply cares and looks out for her? A male that she believes in and never has to doubt? The one man who would never let her down? That's a father. Well, at least, that's how it's supposed to be.

But then again, look at the generation we live in. Fucked up, huh? Therefore I'd say, don't trust any male.

But then I met Troy. He was truly an angel. I didn't think so at first. You may laugh about it, but I genuinely thought he was annoying, weird and phony. In fact, I thought he was many things. But I never knew he'd be the one to change my perspective on the male species. I never imagined that I'd ever love another like the way I loved him. He was charismatic, silly, playful, romantic, kind and caring. He was considerate and a big dreamer. He was optimistic and forgiving. And I loved him truly.

"I don't think I've ever laid my eyes on any creature more angelic and more beautiful than you." He said holding onto my body tightly as he helped me sway my body to the slow music.

I felt my cheeks turn pink as it got a bit hot. I smiled softly at him, kissing the tip of his chin.

The music stopped and he helped me into my wheelchair again.

I looked around at all the seniors gathered together, dancing, laughing and taking pictures and creating memories.

Prom was one of those special nights that you're supposed to make memories of and then pack up with you to wherever you're headed to next in life.

Looking at how everyone was just smiling, the teachers too. No drama, no math problem that had to be solved, no unnecessary clown behavior. Just young adults being happy and saying goodbye to high school forever.

Maybe it was the fact that I was sick and basically on my last that I didn't really have that desire of making prom as memorable as it should've been.

Although I still felt as if though that it didn't matter whether I was sick or not, dying or not, useless and paralyzed or not, either way I'd still be satisfied cause everything I've ever wanted came to me in form of a single human being. What was everything I've always wanted?

Simply to find a permanent happiness. A happiness everlasting. And he gave me that. Troy gave me that.

"Would you like me to get you some juice?" He offered me and I smiled at the thought of drinking juice at prom. "Yes please." I said politely and he nodded, kissing me on the forehead before walking off to get me some.

I smiled to myself.

Before Troy I thought romance was dead. I thought cute gestures and sweet kisses on the forehead didn't exist. Partly, because I always chose the wrong ones to love me. Maybe because I knew I was broken and messy, so what would be more compatible than to find someone who shares similar kinds of pain, right? Wrong. I'm not saying Troy was perfect and stress free or that he had a lovely childhood and a nontoxic family because that would be untrue. I'm saying that amongst it all he never gave up on me.

Not once.

Whereas the guys I'd date way before him were going through heavy shit, like damaging and draining shit and because they had me supporting them and loving them, they dumped all their problems on me and I stayed true to them but like all fuck boys with serious issues, I got heartbroken a couple of times.

And I never thought I'd say this but I'm glad things turned out the way it did. I'm grateful for the pain and all the trauma those relationships brought me because I finally got something worth all of it.

"Hey sexy grandma." Blake mocked jokingly as he approached me, with a traditional cocktail in his hand.

"Oh, they allowed the bad boy to attend prom?" I mocked back and he chuckled. I smiled.

He cleaned up nicely with a dark blue suit and a halfway buttoned shirt. Shiny black shoes and his hair brushed back effortlessly.

Suddenly he got kissed by Alisa and immediately smiled widely, his teeth showing. "Hey there." He said and she giggled before glancing at me. She smiled at me sweetly and I smiled back.

Alisa looked stunning as always with surprisingly a bit less gloss. She wore an elegant red skin tight short dress with a pair of red bottoms Louis Vuitton heels, her hair was styled up and her makeup was light and natural. I thought she looked mature and absolutely gorgeous.

"I didn't know you two knew each other that well." She said awkwardly still smiling.

"Yeah, baby I told you, Ro and I started high school off together as best friends but then she got a bit too big for her boots for me." He answered her.

"I had no clue." She chuckled and I nodded.

She placed a few strands of her blonde hair behind her left ear and bit her bottom lip before speaking again. "I'm sorry about all the unnecessary drama I caused and—"

"It's all good." I interrupted her, making it less awkward for her and she smiled at me gratefully.

"Was good seeing you." Blake said before taking Alisa's hand and heading to the dance floor.

I smiled at the two. I thought they were good together. She actually made him smile, genuinely. They had something real and I was happy that he was happy.

My story would be ending soon, I could tell by the fact that everything that I never thought would happen, happened.

Like who the fuck thought Alisa could be so nice? It's kinda creeped me out.

Then again, who thought we'd get to any of this? It's been crazy.

"Dream girl, your apple juice." Troy said sweetly, handing me the glass of juice.

"Thank you, ... weird boy." I joked.

We laughed together at the name.

Perhaps my story would be ending soon, but that wouldn't matter because suddenly every living second, every inhale and exhale, every thought and every smile, every embrace and kiss, every conversation, every encounter and interaction would be a memory I'd cherish forever.