𝔸 ℂ𝕠𝕦𝕣𝕥 𝕠𝕗 𝕃𝕠𝕧𝕖 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕎𝕣𝕒𝕥𝕙 (Book 2)

Eighty-Three

Feyer looked at me, her eyes narrowing in something akin to betrayal. "You truly don't know? You really don't understand that someone could be hurt because of your lies?"

    "My lies?" I blew out, shaking my head ever so slightly.

    "Yes, your lies, Danika." she accused, raising her voice, hurt in her eyes. "Your lies about everything." her voice broke. "Who you are. What you did. You lie and lie about all of it. I can't take it anymore."

    I stared at her. I stared at her for the longest time, just wondering how my sister was so blind. So naive to think that I did all of that out of spite or malice or just because I could. I did it to protect her. To protect her and Nesta and Elain and our father.

    She continued, "You're a liar. You keep secrets, and you expect us all to be okay with it. But I can't just stand by and be manipulated, Dani. It's cruel—" She took a breath, "It's cruel and selfish. And I refuse to let you manipulate me anymore."

    "Selfish." I breathed out. The word rang through me like a toll bell, rocking my veins with its sound.

I knew I was selfish with things. With putting myself first when it came to missions or motives.

But never—never had I let myself be selfish with my family. With my sister.

"No." I said, my voice breaking on the words as I stood from my chair and pointed a finger at my youngest sister. "No, you will not sit here and damn me for keeping secrets and being selfish when all I wanted was to keep you and your family safe." I pushed back the tears that threatened to invade my eyes. "I have been nothing but selfless when it came to sacrificing things for you."

Feyre stood then to, "And what, Dani, would that be?" She asked, her own eyes glistening with unshed tears.

    "Would you like me to list them? Fine." I said, "How about when I forced myself to come to Prythian with you, so you didn't have to suffer alone? When I came Under the Mountain with you to provide you with protection? Made a deal with Amarantha so that you could sit in a lovely room while I sat in a dark cell for three months? What of when Tamlin forced me to go back to Spring against my will solely so that I could be there for you, and I complied? When Tamlin barely let me within an inch of the house? Wrapped his hands around my neck and choked me? Blew up a room with me in it? How about when he locked me in a dark cell under the manor, knowing where I had been kept Under the Mountain? I hadn't had a breath of fresh air for months. Months. And I went through it happily for. you." I paused, raising my chin, even as I felt the tears well in my eyes. "Is that selfish to you?"

My sister gulped, her eyes a fraction wider. "I didn't ask you to do any of that."

    "Yes, that's the point, Feyre. You didn't have to ask because I did it gladly. I would have sacrificed myself for you with glee if it meant you didn't have to suffer."

"You say these things, and yet you forget to mention the hardship I've gone through as a result of your selfishness." She yelled, a tear sliding down her porcelain cheeks. "And what of when I hunted for our family to provide us with food? Snapped my neck Under the Mountain? When I was sequestered by Tamlin for months?" she shook her head again, "I've gone through the same things you have, and yet I have kept nothing from you."

"You've kept nothing from me?" I raised my brows, "If you've kept nothing from me, then what's going on between you and Mor?" I asked, "And for that matter, why is it that Cassian told me you've been snooping through drawers in offices?"

He'd told me as he flew me up here. I'd practically had to force it out of him when he looked like he was about to implode.

Feyre's eyes narrowed. "Nothings going on between Mor and I." she said, her voice low. "And I was snooping through drawers because I thought no one was home, and I couldn't find the library. I'd have liked to find a few things out about the place I now live, thanks to you."

It was a lie. Plain and simple, like I could smell it in the air. And yet I chose to ignore it then. I'd do some finding of my own.

"Would you have rather stayed in Spring Court? Sheltered by Tamlin and forced to play his trophy wife forever?" I asked, "At least here we have a chance. A chance to be our own people without chains. We win this war, and we're free to do what we want."

"Free, right? I'm glad I am no longer in Spring Court, grateful even, but it is also yet another choice that has been taken from me."

That, I understood finally. That loss of losing your freedom right in front of you.

"And for that, I'm sorry." I said, "But do not blame me for it. Because it is not my fault."

"How? How is it not your fault?"

"Are you really asking me that?" My burning anger was gone. Replaced with a weak sorrow from my sister's resentment.

Feyre raised her chin, trembling just slightly as a bevy of tears rolled down her cheeks then. "If I don't blame you, then I'll blame myself. I can't—"

"I think I understand perfectly now, thank you." I looked at the person in front of me as though she were a stranger. As though I hadn't known her my entire life. Loved her my entire life. "Blame me. See if I care."

I walked out then.

I walked away, and I didn't look back.

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

A/N: Guys, I'm finally actually working on my original book that I'm hoping to get published once it's finished! AHHHHHH. Tbh I'm honestly doing it simply because I want a book where all the characters are just badass all the time.