ALL THE FEELINGS

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this will be a fun one, just wait

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"god i hate him"
i slammed the door shut
"whoa, kid what happened"
dad was in the kitchen, i engalles over to him and sat down on one of our bar stools
"fucking bradshaw happened"
"oh? i didn't think he was that bad"
"you didn't have to talk to him"
"you talked to him?"
he turned around looking surprised
i think that's when i realized that dad didn't hate bradley the way i did, he would have given so much to talk to him
"well technically he talked to me"
"what did he say?"
i felt bad, remembering the conversation,
"he asked how i was, and what i had been doing"
"and what did you say"
he was leaning back against the counter, arms folded, something told me he already knew i got angry,
"i said i was okay" i trailed off
"and?"
"and that it was kind of a lot to unpack given that he's been gone for five years, i mean i don't know why you don't hate him so much, he left dad, just picked up sand left, he never called, he never texted, he never even sent a letter"
i had tears in my eyes, a lot of old wounds were opening up now,
dad didn't say anything, he was looking at the ground
"i did, for a really long time, but, i see so much of him, and now that he's back, i only see him"
i knew he was talking about goose, it still hurt him, i wondered if it hurt brad too
"i know dad, im sorry"
"i'm not trying to invalidate your feelings, but maybe try to see from his point of view, he didn't leave because of you"
"but he left me too!"
"i know, i know, just give him time, you two were i separable when you were younger, remember"
"of course i remember dad, he was my best friend,"
i half smiled remembering how we used to be before we left we were so close, i trusted him with my life, honestly a part of me still would
"okay" i sighed and looked up
"okay? really"
"i'm not saying that i'm going to be friends with him and we're gonna be all "besties" again, but i'll be nice, but you have to be too"
i pointed a finger at him
he smiled
"has he talked to you?"
he just looked down
"no, it's not like we have anything too talk about, but i will if i have too"
"i'm going to go up to bed, you need anything?"
"no i'm okay, i won't be home until late tonight im going on a date, i'll see you tomorrow morning okay kid"
"okay dad goodnight"
"goodnight kid love you"
"love you too old man"

i sat for awhile, thinking, i had concluded a few things: 1-i didn't hate bradley bradshaw
2- bradley bradshaw didn't hate me
3- bradley bradshaw hated dad
4- i miss him
my brain hurt from thinking
i decided to take a shower, i took one this morning but i felt gross
i hummed to the music that was playing when i slipped, i smacked my shoulder on the side of the wall, i yelled some profanities i won't lie, i had also hit my forearm on the ground
when i got out of the shower i could already tell a bruise was forming, great, i wrapped my self in a towel and walked out to my room.
my phone went off, it was jake, he was face timing me
i answered "don't be weird" i put my phone down
"you're wet, you just get out of the shower?"
i laughed "yes, yes i did hold on a second"
i propped my phone up once i had shorts and a bra on, i felt comfortable i front of jake,
i changed into one of brads old tees 
"what's up jake?"
i grabbed my phone and sat on my bed
"well we need you to settle a debate"
"i'm sorry we?" he turned the phone to reveal himself, coyote, brad, and pheonix
my face went red and my jaw dropped
realizing that three people just saw me in a bra
and one of them was bradley motherfucking bradshaw
"nice figure there fawkes, damn"
"ew dude no" jake looked back at him
and then i heard him let out a grunt
i laughed
"what did you do to him jake"
he looked back at the phone
"0h i didn't do anything, rooster just elbowed him in the ribs, they're yelling at each other now " he was jumping down a flight of stairs
i was surprised, i didn't think what coyote said was that big of a deal, i've known him for awhile
i could hear them over the phone
"dude you cant just say shit like that"
"bro you barely know her! chill out"
"you don't know anything!"
jake looked up "okay i might have to go break up that fight-"
"shut it boys now!"
"just kidding pheonix got it, gosh i hate rooming with these people, i've been trying to sleep for three hours now i'm so tired"
he said staining me down
"okay fine" i caved
"really i can come over!" he sounded like a kid
"yeah but hurry up cause i'm tired as fu-"
"okay! hey guys i have to go" he yelled and then hung up the phone
dad had texted me telling me he would t be home tonight, as weird as it was i was glad he was finally getting some

the doorbell rang and i answered it to a smiling jake
"okay come in" i just left the door open and walked up the stairs
"heheh sleep over time"
he bounced up the stairs all excited
"hey where did you get a top gun shirt" i looked down and saw i was wearing brads shirt
" oh ha i uhm i found it in the lost and found at the bar" i lied
i hated lying to jake
"i'm gonna change into sleep clothes"
i took of the shirt
"whoa what happened?" he walked up behind me and touched my boulder blade
"oh i fell in the shower" i turned to show him my forearm, where larger marks had appeared
"do they hurt?" he touched my back
"yes ow"
he pulled back immediately
"i'm sorry, that was stupid"
we laughed "it's okay, you wanna help me put some lidocaine on it?"
i handed it to him
he put it on my back
"ow ow ow ow"
"stop moving!"
"it hurts!"
he finished putting it on me
"your such a baby" he laughed at me
"oh ship up dick head"
"he your the one who flashed pheonix rooster and coyote"
he laughed
i didn't, i just sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose
"god in so embarrassed" he stoked laughing and looked at me
"what why"
"why?! is that not obvious!?"
"Y/N i know your uncomfortable with it but you don't have to be ashamed of your body"
"i know that jake, i just don't like it"
he was quiet
"i know you don't, but if it makes you feel any better i do" i turned to look at him
he was looking at the floor
"jake seresin, that was quite forward, even for you"
he said nothing
"jake, what's wrong"
"i just think that your pretty, that's all"
"okay but you've told me that about a hundred times"
"okay we'll maybe i'm attracted to you and i don't think that it's okay because we're best friends, okay"
"jake, i didn't know that, im sorry"
i sat down next to him "no it's okay it's not like i have feelings for you" he laughed
my eyes widened
"do you?" i asked
"no, but still i feel weird"
"i don't think so, i think your attractive too"
he just looked at me
and then he kissed me

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