Born This Way

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a/n - start the song when it says

"Oh my god, you're getting a nose job," said Quinn.

"I'm considering having a minor procedure to repair my deviated septum," said Rachel.

"So, a nose job," said Santana.

"Look, I'm happy with the way that I look, okay? And I've embraced my nose. But, let's say I wanted to have a slightly more demure nose? Like Quinn's for example," said Rachel. "I would never change my appearance for vanity, but, I mean, the doctor said that it could possibly improve my talent which would help us all for nationals, so..."

"Key word. Possibly," said Juniper. "But what about the risks? Your voice is amazing as it is, Rachel."

"Hold up," scoffed Santana. "Could we all just get real here for a second? I hear that Rachel's got a bit of a schnoz. I mean, I wouldn't know, because like Medusa, I try to avoid eye contact with her. But can we all just stop lying about how there aren't things that we wouldn't want to change about ourselves? I'm sure that Sam's been to the doctor's office and rifled through pamphlets on mouth reduction. I'll bet Artie's thought about getting his legs removed, since he's not really using them anyway. And I'm definitely sure that Tina's looked into getting an eye de-slanting."

Juniper's jaw dropped at that last comment.

"That's extraordinarily racist," said Tina.

"I'm keeping it real," shrugged Santana.

"Sorry, Santana," said the goth. "I'm a beautiful person. I'm in love with myself. I would never change a thing."

"Is that why you're wearing blue contacts today, Tina?" asked Mike. "Self hating Asian," he added underneath his breath.

"Leave Tina alone," scoffed Juniper, putting a hand on her friend's back.

"Thanks, Juni," said Tina, giving the brunette a small smile before turning to her boyfriend. "Not many Asian sex symbols, Mike. I'm trying to be in fashion and mirror what I see in the magazines."

"My dancing kind of bothers me," said Finn. "And it almost killed Rachel, but I like the way I look."

"Oh please," scoffed Santana. "You have weird, puffy, pyramid nipples. They look like they're filled with custard. You could dust them with powdered sugar and they could pass for some sort of dessert."

"That's really mean, Santana," said Juniper, turning around in her chair to look at the older girl. "Stop being mean to Finn about his weight. His extra cushioning makes for great cuddles."

"Wow, that is the lamest thing I've ever heard," said the Latina, rolling her eyes. "Look, maybe Rachel's fine with having an enormous beak. Maybe she needs it to crack hard seeds. All I'm saying is that if you look in the mirror and you don't like what you see, you should change it."

"Woah, guys," said Mr. Schue. "I'm really shocked at what I'm hearing here."

"Now he decides to join the conversation?" Juniper asked in a whisper, turning to Tina.

"Right," she agreed, chuckling a little.

"It goes against everything the Glee Club stands for," continued Mr. Schue. "I'm telling you, the thing you'd most like to change about yourself is the most interesting part of you."

"Maybe, but at this school the thing that makes you different is the thing that people use to crush your spirit," said Mercedes.

****

Mr. Schue decided that this weeks lesson will be about acceptance and for everyone to find songs to sing to accept themselves. This, however, didn't stop Rachel from wanting to get a nose job.

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