Aku, Kau & Skateboard ✔

Hi Hi

Hello readers,
Who still remembers this story!???
This story was published yearssss ago around 2016. And I unpublished it. And sorryyyyy.

My mental health was the main reason why I unpublished all of my stories. Another reason is because I was upset and disappointed. Oh suddenly, I feel so much regret right now for giving up on myself, for not being able to defend my stories & myself, for not directly confronted that girl.

They're mine. I should fight for what's mine.

I just closed my eyes and ears back then because I don't care. But there were people who keep injecting bad thoughts and discouraging setbacks.

I don't, and never have a big circle of friends or readers here, but I do believe some of them still remember me & my stories. From 2014-2019. (MCK, Locket, Daisy, Bukan Malaikat, Ma Cherie, Gadis Skate, Lyaa a.k.a Gadis Skate II and Aku, Kau & Skateboard, Skatesick and more... like i have 17+ stories in my draft. Sampai tak ingat which one yang dah pernah publish.)

Few people actually messaged me about the girl. And pointed out obvious things about her. Like her 'theme' story is the same as me, skateboard. She did switch some things in her story like character names, plots but use my story as her rough idea. The person who dm-ed me, pointed out the most obvious things. The girl's username is likely same as me though she changed it a bit. And her story's title also same, she just changed it to another synonym.

I did mentioned about this plagiat issue dekat Gadis Skate punya chapter. This one person mentioned her name in the comment section (kind of kecam tapi bukan kecam idk how to say it)

and the girl suddenly dm-ed me. Lagi lah rasa macam, "eh kalau benda tu tak betul, kenapa lepas kena tegur terus DM?"
And to be honest, I never opened that message until few months after that.

Mula mula memang tak kisah tau. Sumpah. Tapi bila orang cucuk jarum, siapa je tak marah kan? You as an author, mestilah bengang kan? I never read her story. People summarised it for me sebab rasa macam sakit hati tau nak tengok semua tu.

And that was the reason why I unpublished all of my stories. Dahlah stress study, bukak wattpad lagi menambah unnecessary pressure. So I just gave up and gone.

Okay,
I'd like to take some time to vent something out here. I hope you also can take your time to read it. But you're welcome to skip it and continue to next chapter. <3

Reading and writing has always been my escape. The only place where I can be myself, the only thing that makes me feel safe.

My mental health kinda unstable since I was a kid. I was struggling here and there, balancing and trying to stay alive. I was learning about life, about friends and family, about about love, crush(es) and heartbreaks.

And I found wattpad. I expressed all of my imaginations here. I started with this one story named MCK in 2015 i think (I don't want to put the full tittle sebab cringe nak mampus. And the boy in that story was my crush and he's currently my boyfriend now LOL so if you remember, don't mention it.)

I didn't expect much but i was surprised when people actually read it. People left their comments there. That was the first time I feel heard. I feel seen. I feel rejoiced. I feel appreciated by people. Things that I couldn't get in my reality.

I don't have a big circle or a big group of friends. I don't know how to make friends and I'm not good at keeping them but I found amazing people here. Few of them... I can say is my close friends until now. Shout out to Sarah, Taca and Mardhiah! Yang paling penting, taca la yang paling bongok. Hshshsgshshshssh.

I remember my readers, especially those who voted and left their comments. Those who asked for more. Those who personally messaged me. I swear to god I remember. And I want to thank you. I may not like the other authors. I'm not that friendly, I don't know how to mingle with people, both online or face to face. I'm not that great or popular. Paling terharu bila published balik AKS, ada yang welcome dekat profile. Macam unbelievable gila lepas bertahun-tahun pun orang masih ingat. Happyyyy cuma macam eee tak tahu la kenapa awkward sangat dengan orang. Thank you for your constancy and support. Your votes, your comments... it means so much to me. Thank you for the time you've spent (or wasted aha) reading my stupid childish stories.

I'm missing the younger me. Life was not that good back then but I miss my spirit, i miss my curiosity to explore the world, I miss my boldness to just do things and let things go without thinking too much of the impacts or consequences. I miss my ability to not give a fuck to anyone or anything.

I miss having a clear space in my mind where I can do my favourite thing, reading. I miss having effortless excessive ideas in my mind where I can express it directly through writing. I miss the time where I can read and write all day, all night long.

Now I can't even do anything with this scaredy-cat personality & foggy stupid little brain.

I think my depression has worsened after I left wattpad and went hiatus. Plus with the uni life, peers issues, academic pressure and stupid lecturer. I'm actually diagnosed with Bipolar (Clinically diagnosed, not self-diagnosis). I'm okay now. I just hope I can cope my high & low episodes through writing. Because I want to reclaim back my old self. Even though she's messy, I miss that girl. I want her back. That's why, I'm here now. Back on Wattpad.

I miss her.

I hope I can hold on a little. I hope I can hang on a bit longer. I just hope I can do this.

Okay that's all! Thank you. <3