His swan | Huaze Lei

Q&A

Q(Meiling): Are you going to keep being in love with someone who doesn't even know they like you?

Meiling: Do you think I want to feel like this? I started to like Lei since I was 8, and he liked Jing. Until I was 16 I was forced to endure seeing my crush liking somebody else and hear Lei talking about Jing so much that my head was about to explode any minute. You might ask 'why didn't you tell him how you felt then? Maybe you would have lifted some weight off your heart.' . Yeah, well, it's not easy to say that to your best friend and the person you felt like truly yourself while spending time with them. I couldn't bare the thought of Lei looking at me different or starting to avoid me just to avoid my feelings about him. So I bit my tongue and suffered in silence. When I left for New York, I thought I will be able to erase all those feelings for Lei, and I succeeded, until I got back in Shanghai, back home. It's painful to be in love with somebody you can't have, not only because they don't feel the same about you, but you know not even your family wants that person in that kind of light next to you. For example: my mother still thinks Lei is a weakling for the fact he is a music major and used to have autism. As for my brother, he told me he wouldn't let me date the members of F4, not because there might be chances of break ups and that might mess up the group, but because Ah Si knows the boys too well, and knows what goes through their heads. So yeah, I am in love with someone that doesn't feel the same about me, but it's not like it's my choice.

Q(Ah Si): Would you accept Cheng as your brother-in-law?

Ah Si: No. Hell no. There are two reasons why. 1. Meiling hates him and he bullied her every summer mom send her to London to the He family. And 2. I know the kind of guy he is too well. He is a bad boy that is arrogant and knows everything. I should know the best. I am like that too. So to answer your question, I wouldn't accept someone like me as my brother-in-law and as my little sister's husband.

Q(Meiling): What was your relationship with your parents?

Meiling: Since birth I was as close as you can say for my family as I could be with my parents. When my father was still alive, he used to take me and my siblings to watch the sky at night (this way we learned about constellations), he used to read me bed time stories, and there was no way he wouldn't dance with me or Zhuang at any event. However, one day when I was coming from a ballet concert with my father, we got in a car accident. I was in the hospital due to some injuries, at some point me and my family were worried about me ever dancing ballet again. However, after that accident my father started to act very distant to me. I thought that maybe he felt guilty for the accident, and even though I tried to assure him it was alright he always told me to not worry about him and just focus on my things. As years passed and as I grew older, my father's behavior became colder and more distant. I asked my mother about the reason for his behavior, but she only told me that I have to start acting more mature and not always expect my parents to be always there, and that this is his way to prepare me for the real world. Of course, I would have accepted this explanation, if it wasn't for dad treating Zhuang and Ah Si the same way he treated them when they were little. In the end I just decided to ignore the favoritism, maybe Ah Si got so much love because he was the heir of our family and Zhuang got that much attention because she was the oldest daughter and child. I just hoped dad will warm up to me when he got sick, but he didn't allowed me to enter in his room, even though Ah Si and Zhuang were allowed to. However, once I got in their bedroom two days before dad's death and he confused me with Zhuang. He asked me, well her, to watch over me and Ah Si, and keep all of us safe and united. I hoped he will recognize me, but he didn't. 
As for my mother, well she was mostly home when dad was alive. She used to even smile more, and I am not talking about a polite smile or a business one, I am talking about a real smile. She was warm, and caring, and kind. After dad's death she changed completely. She moved to London and we barely got the chance to talk with her. I can understand that people mourn in different ways, and me and my siblings were a permanent reminder of dad, but damn, leaving us behind for the maids to raise us? Yeah, mother of the year, what can I say.  But as years passed she became worse and worse. When I look back at how my family used to be, if you would have told me that my mother was going to use her children as pawns in political and commercial marriages, I would have prepared you a spot in the mental hospital.
So yeah, this is my relationship with my parents.