Hood Life and Love: I Am What I Am

Chapter 4

On the way to Aldi's, I sent a quick text to Tish telling her I'd meet her later at the house. Chloe cranked up the radio, and we started vibing out to the music. I listened to her rap every word to Jezzy's Standing Ovation. While sitting at the longest red light in the city, I glanced her way and caught her eyeing my pistol. I looked down at it and then at her again.

Her eyes held fascination and recognition. Without saying a word, I took it from my holster closest to her and put it in a hidden compartment in my door. Guns were not something I wanted to introduce Chloe too, but by the look in her eyes, she already knew them well.

Knowing she was biting her tongue, I turned down the music and asked her what she wanted to say. She shrugged her shoulders as I pulled away from the light. "It must be nice."

Humoring her, I asked, "What?"

"To not be afraid of anything." She replied, smiling. "I wanna be just like you when I grow up. Everyone listens to you and looks up to you. You're nice as hell too and you help everyone. I know I look up to you."

Her word filled me with a range of emotions. I loved she looked up to me and that she obviously saw the good in me. I liked that in her, but what bothered me was all the things I'd had to do to get to this point. While she chose her words, wisely, I knew she was also aware of the downside of my profession.

 There were things no one knew like the night terrors that wouldn't let up or the fear I felt every time I went somewhere new. I had become cautious and a little on the jumpy side. I had trust issues and I never had time for new friends. Everyone in my circle had been around for years and that's how I liked it. I worried every day and feared that any moment could be my last. The truth was I was nice when I could be, but when I was bad...well that was never nice.

"You don't want this life, Chloe. It's much more than what you see. The glamour and the power come with consequences. If things had been different for me, I would have done something else with my time. Everything that I am, came from life experiences and too much time on my hands. You won't have to worry about that though, 'cause I got you. You're going to be better than me. The best way to live well is to go to one of these expensive ass schools and get a degree. That's how you get real power."

"That sounds incredibly boring." She said as if everything I just said didn't make sense to her. "I want people to respect me."

I laughed, "Then you do respectable shit."

"Right," she replied slowly.

"You can start by hitting the books. Be a doctor or a lawyer. I could always use one of them. Get your education right. You don't need a gun to do that."

"If I don't need a gun, why do you carry one?"

It was a logical question, as she knew for a fact I carried one. There was no denying or acting like it wasn't something I did every day. My gun was an accessory that went with each outfit I put on. It was second nature to me and I felt naked without it.

"I carry this to protect myself. I will use it if I need to, to defend myself or others I care about and I never use it unless I have to. There are a lot of people in this city who would love to see me dead, Chloe. That's the consequence of my lifestyle. With the life I chose, I have more people that hate me than people that love me. You listen to me and get your shit together. You won't have to worry about the same things I do."

Chloe huffed and leaned back into her seat as we pulled up to the Aldi's. I knew I wasn't gonna get much more from her so I opened my door and headed toward the entrance. Chloe followed at a slower pace. I was looking for a quarter for the cart when one appeared from my left. Without thinking, I grasped the wrist of the body the quarter belonged to.

Spinning, I looked into the most tormented eyes I had ever seen. They belonged to a man of small stature. His grey hair was combed neatly behind his ears. He looked to be about fifty years old, Caucasian, and impeccably dressed. I released him and his expression didn't change, which meant I hadn't caused that haunting stare.

"I was simply paying it forward." He said with an accent I couldn't place.

"Thanks," Chloe replied for me and grabbed the quarter."Nice Reflexes, Anna."

I barely heard her as I stared the old dude down. He was out of place and yet I had missed him and he had sneaked up on me. I may be tripping, but my hackles still rose. I watched as he retreated. I watched him walk down the street and hit the corner. That surprised me more than anything.

"Anna?" Chloe asked, clearly concerned. "Do you know him?"

"No," I replied. The incident haunted me during our entire shopping trip. Chloe talked animatedly as she picked out her favorite things. I listened with one ear and replied when I should. The dude bothered me. What bothered me the most was his walking away. From a grocery store...with not one bag. Dressed down with no car.