The Tiger King (Chaelisa)

74| The Sins of Our Mothers

And as much as her rational side was insisting that Lisa was dangerous and berating her for not learning anything from her time with Taehyung, Rosé was stubborn. 

Lisa was different than Taehyung. 

Lisa couldn't help what she was, and therein lay the dilemma for Rosé.

Could she love both sides of Lisa wholly: the goofy lovable boxer as well as the killing machine Tiger King?

"Jen, I want to talk about Lisa," Rosé said softly. She noticed Jennie stiffen next to her.

"If this is about the contract—"

"No. It's about...me and her."

Jennie relaxed. "Go on."

"I've been thinking a lot these past few days. About...that day at the Vault," Rosé began, taking care to keep her voice low. The car was packed but at least they weren't shoved together like anchovies.

"When I talked with her, there was a point when she had been listening to me and she wasn't going to attack. But then it changed. I said something wrong, and it flipped the switch. It pissed something off within her and since she was all fired up, she just snapped, instead of controlling herself."

"What did you say?" Jennie asked.

"I've been trying to remember but everything was happening so fast and afterwards, it's like everything is already hazy," Rosé said, "but I think I have an idea." She took a deep breath. "All this time, I've been telling Lisa, multiple times, that she's human and that no matter what happened in the past, I love her. I told her I accept every part of her. You told me that I did too. You told me I accepted her, and I thought I was doing good. Only, when it came down to it, I didn't. I was just like you."

When Jennie raised an eyebrow, Rosé went on. 

"You always kept Lisa at a distance, you were wary and you didn't fully trust her. You got better, but there wasn't that true acceptance that she wanted, needed even. And I ended up showing as much when she needed to hear it most. I unconsciously confirmed her fear that I didn't accept her wholly."

"How?"

"We've been rejecting her Tiger King side," Rosé said. "We're always referring to Tiger King as something that's besides the Lisa we know. But what if it isn't? What if it's a part of her now? Tiger King isn't an affliction or some condition. It may not be what she is at the core of her being, like everyone else is insisting, but it's a part of Lisa's identity, just like how she's gay and I'm bi and you're...whatever it is you call yourself. My point is, maybe Lisa herself doesn't know that she needs to accept this fact, because she also hates that part of herself. Think of it like internalised homophobia. Lisa needs to make peace with it, and so do we. Tiger King is part of Lisa: it's who she is now, whether we like it or not. We can't ignore it and it won't go away."

"Let me get this straight. You're saying we can bring her back with a few pretty words about self-love  and acceptance?" Jennie shook her head. "It doesn't work like that, Rosé, not in the real world."

"I know, I'm not expecting miracles. But letting Lisa know that I love every part of her, regardless—that's got to be something." Rosé tightened her grip on the railing. "It has to."

"You...love every part of her?" Jennie said carefully. "Even the part that murders and kills people, the part that killed your dad and nearly killed you too?"

Rosé gave her a sad smile. "Would you believe me if I told you Taehyung scared me more than Lisa did?"

"No, I'd say you're biased," Jennie said immediately. "Rosé, she was going to strangle you, for god's sake. I can still see the bruises under all that makeup you're wearing on your neck, so you're not fooling me."