Cold All the Way Through, But Warming

The First Anniversary

The only company in my rooms, once I had dried off and been draped in a soft nightgown, was Rigel. He'd been my constant companion recently, and I often woke up with him laying beside my bed, my hand dangling over and barely touching him. He came over now, his tongue out and ready to give me a kiss. I ruffled his ears when he came to his spot on the rug beside my bed. "You ready for bed, boy?" He settled down, but he was tall enough that I was able to keep petting him until I rolled back onto my sheets. I dreaded sleep, but I knew it would come.

And it did.

I stared up the side of the ship, watching Will as he directed our boat down. I didn't even hear Lowe shoot, and when I turned I didn't recognize anyone. Just blurry figures rowing us farther away. I struggled to the stern, still looking at Will. He was looking down to me, and I felt myself freeze when I saw Father at his side. A great groan came from the ship, and she slipped farther under. The movement jostled everyone, and I watched as those two figures hurtled over the railing and into the water.

"Stop!" I yelled, and the boat stilled. I could see them, white water around their arms as they struggled to the surface. I reached over, my hands grasping for any part of them, a hand, a finger, anything that I could use to pull them in. They were close now, their faces pale and I watched as Father's arms slowed. I was screaming as he slipped below the surface, and Will didn't make it much farther. But I could still see both of them, just under the surface.

The boat shifted under me as I leaned over the gunwale, reaching for either of them. I tried to ignore the pain when my fingers broke through the calm water, the needles that stabbed themselves into my fingertips. Then my wrists. Then my arms. I had almost grasped Will's hand when the boat shifted, throwing me into the water. I kept my eyes open, everything foggy as I tried to get my bearings. But I could still see Will and Father, bubbles slipping from frozen lips as they sank father from me.

And then the bubbles were coming from my own lips as I screamed and screamed.

"Anastasia!" I shot upright, my throat raw and the sheets twisted around me, sending Peggy stumbling away from my bed. The only sounds in my room were my breathing, the ticking of the clock and Rigel's whining. Peggy slowly approached the bed again. "Shhh, Miss, it's alright."

I was almost panting, my heart racing. "I'm sorry Peggy, I didn't mean to-"

"You can't exactly control it." She ran a hand through my hair, what wasn't braided over my back. "Why not let the dog up, just for tonight?" She turned to Rigel, patting the bed and sending him up next to me. "Give me a moment, I'll be right back." My breathing had calmed by the time she returned, although I was practically wrapped around Rigel. I only let him go when I saw the bottle she was carrying. "I think a brandy is allowed tonight."

I greedily grabbed for the bottle, taking a long swallow. "Thank you."

"I said 'a brandy'." She snatched the bottle back. "As in from a glass, really, Miss." She kept the bottle as she grabbed a glass from my vanity, filling it with a few fingers. "Drink this, and try to remember that they're just dreams. They're not real." I nodded, sipping at the glass until it was empty. Peggy stayed until I was almost asleep, brushing her hand down my shoulder until she felt I was soothed enough.

But not even Rigel could stop the nightmares.

Liz had really outdone herself, the church was festooned and garlanded within an inch of its life with forget-me-nots and peach roses. Silk ribbon twisted itself around every pew, and every scrap of wood had been polished and waxed. The carpet running down the center aisle was red as blood, freshly cleaned and brushed. I sighed as I looked into the mirror in the antechamber that had been given over as a bridal suite for the day.