Children of The Fallen

Chapter 19: don't piss Grayson off

"Morgan."

She sniffles, quickly wiping the loose tear streaming down her face. "I'm sorry." She says before I have the chance to say anything.

I open my mouth wanting to say something. Instead I just inch closer to her and pull her into a hug. She collapses into it, her arms tightly around my back and over my shoulder. A stifled sob escapes her, trying to cry as quietly as possible.

Eventually she pulls back, wiping away her tears. "I'm sorry."

"Nothing to apologize for. I'm here for you."

"I just hate that word. Monster." She grimaces. "I wish I had your control." She says and I can't help the laugh that comes out of me. I slap my hand over my mouth, Morgan raising an eyebrow at my response.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I giggle a little before removing my hand from my mouth. "Morgan I am with one hundred percent certainty the least controlled person here."

"What?"

"I am terrible when it comes to blood."

"That's not true you have the regiment with the blood bags."

"With blood bags yeah I'm fine. I've had a lot of time to get used to that but you put a human right in front of me with a gaping neck wound and nothing else in the room for me to focus on- There's a good chance I'd kill them if no one was around to stop me." Her eyes widen briefly in shock. "So if anyone here is a monster. It's me." Monster isn't really the accurate word I think something along the lines of wild animal would be more correct. Truly uncontrollable, like a crazed beast at the sight or scent of blood. It took years before I was able to trust myself in public after Danes help. Now I just need distractions, or a replacement for the bloodlust; which mainly comes in the form of fighting. As long as I'm preoccupied with anything other than feeding, I'll be okay.

I'm okay now- at best.

"I can't even picture that."

I shrug. "It's something I've always dealt with. Dane and Victoria have witnessed a few bad moments of mine." Victoria's seen me murder a tavern full of people, and that wasn't even that bad compared to some other things I've done. I remember every kill- I wish I didn't, maybe I'd sleep sounder at night. I am thankful for the few forced marriages it's gotten me out of. Various High Royal men already thinking I'm worthless then add my raging control issues on top of that? I was 'too much.' Tristan one of Cyrus' sons was disgusted by my lack of control and turned my fathers proposal down. I was never more thrilled to have issues than I was in that moment- he and Cyrus had been seriously considering my fathers proposition but once Tristan saw that he changed his mind. My father was beyond pissed but I was happy- not that I could show that.

"Thankfully Grayson and Kellan weren't alive to see me like that." I don't think I'd hear the end of it from either of them. Kellan shaming me and Grayson praise and encouragement.

"Dane and Victoria have never mentioned anything."

"Per my request. I don't really enjoy being reminded of what I'm capable of. Believe me I think about it enough." I stare down at my hand rubbing against my thigh as centuries worth of bloodshed and all consuming guilt flash in my mind all at once. "What do you need right now? Do you want to come outside? Do you still wanna be alone?" I ask wanting to change the topic.

"I'll come outside. I just want to shower fast."

"Okay, are you sure?"

"Yeah I should probably see people. Apologize to Kellan."

I furrow my brow. "Apologize to Kellan?"

"I was being a little bit of a bitch to him the other night." She says as she gets up from the bed and starts making her way over to the bathroom. "I'll see you later."