Souls in November (Holiday Series #1)

23

"Tiis muna ng konti anak ha? Aalis na rin ang Papa mo sa makalawa."

'Yon ang sinabi sa akin ni Mama ng magpasko. Kahit gustuhin ko man makasama silang dalawa ay hindi pwede dahil mainit pa rin ang dugo ni Papa sa akin. Matigas talaga siya dahil ayaw akong makita. My mother even admitted that they sometimes fight, especially when she brings up my name. He hates me so much.

Pero kahit ganon ay nakipag-video call sa akin si Mama at binati niya ako bago magpasko. Since this is the first time I've ever celebrated it without my mother, I must admit that I felt a great deal of sadness. It's also the first year that our family didn't get together to celebrate the holiday outside.

This is the saddest Christmas ever.

Nakipag-celebrate na lamang ako ng pasko at bagong taon kila Razen. Naging masaya naman ako papaano kahit na may gumugulo sa isipan ko. Pinaramdam nila sa akin na parang hindi ako naiiba at parte na rin ng malaking pamilya nila.

"Is this her?" the woman weakly asked.

I held Razen's shirt tightly as I watched at the elderly woman in a wheelchair who was in her late 80s.

"Yes, la." sambit naman ni Razen.

"What a beautiful woman." she lightly whispered.

"She is Ma." pagsang-ayon naman ni Tita. "Kaya nga sinasabihan namin 'tong si Razen na huwag na huwag ng magloko."

"Mom!" pangsasaway ni Razen dahil ayaw makarinig ng mga ganon.

"Razen, sinasabihan ka lang ng mommy mo. Be responsible." his dad came to our direction too.

"I already told you countless of times too dad." Aniya. "Siya na ang wakas. Wala ng iba."

"Treasure her Razen. Don't play anymore." Wika ng Lola niya.

His Lola's eyes were glistening when she looked at me, so I smiled in response. During the holiday season, I was also able to meet both sides of Razen's family. And everyone was nice; they even made me feel at ease and made sure I wasn't left out.

Napakadami pa nilang baon na kwento sa akin. We spent Christmas in their rest house. The vacation was wonderful in every way, and it was a lot of fun as well. There were actually a lot of dishes and activities too. We stayed there for about three days before returning home to spend the new year in their house.

The break went by in the blink of an eye, and before we knew it, it was time to head back to school. On the other hand, it is a relief to know that when we go back to school, the schoolwork will not be waiting for us as we enter the school.

Since the entire month of January will be full with preparations for our foundation day, we'll be participating in a wide variety of activities, and just generally keeping ourselves quite busy. There will be so much time to relax because there will be no classes due to the event.

"Nakadecide ka na kung saan ka mag-aaral next year?" Tanong ni Syd.

She came to visit in my classroom, and while she was here, we were engaged in conversation about the years to come, about what's ahead of us. Nagsisimula na siyang mag-overthink. She worries that she won't be able to make it through the college years because the world has become more complex and the academic part of college is more harder now.

"Hindi pa sure. Gusto ko mag-Manila." I said but I know it will be very hard. Kaya nagdadalawang isip ako.

When that time comes, Razen and I will already have our baby with us. It is going to be really difficult for me to separate myself from her or him. Tsaka walan naman talag akong balak umalis at iwan siya. How could I leave my child behind? Mas gugustuhin ko na lang siyang alagaan.