Little Bitch

Chapter 11

"I'm just an object used to satisfy her needs. Please, Tyler, hold me while I cry for a while," Josh whined and walked around the counter, and Tyler just stayed sitting there but wrapped his legs around Josh and was running his hands all over my best friend's face dramatically, both of them making fake weeping sounds together.

"Are they always like that when they hang out?" Lexi asked me.

"Worst. They're usually worst," I admitted.

"Should I be calling Vanessa and Daphnee and tell them to be worried?"

Josh stopped his antic automatically hearing that. "Yes, absolutely. Call that Vanessa. Tell her I'm actively trying to steal her man."

"Babe, you had me at eating my flesh," Tyler said, running his hands over his face again.

"Babe," Josh replied doing the same things.

They looked more like the were fighting than anything with how ridiculous their hands gestures were.

"Babe."

"Baaaaabe."

Lexi made a gagging face. "I'm gonna barf."

Tyler turned his head to stare at his sister with a grin and said, "I've eaten barf."

I pressed my hand to my face, discouraged, while Lexi did the gagging thing again. "Jesuuuuuus," she whined.

"Anyway, why are you still here?" I asked Josh, grabbing a piece of cheese.

Josh let go of Tyler and went back to his food. "I was driving them home and they said they were going to order pizza. Dominos pizza." He was the one making a gagging face now.

Lexi looked insulted. "What's wrong with Dominos? Seriously? Dominos is cheap and excellent. And they have lava cakes!"

"Please. Don't be a peasant," he told Lexi and then turned back to me to continue explaining, "so I took it upon myself to feed them correctly. We stopped at the grocery store on the way."

"Grocery shopping with Josh is an experience," Lexi interjected.

I knew my best friend, so I could imagine the experience.

"I'm really sorry," I told my girlfriend, pressing another kiss to her temple.

She smiled at me. "It's fine. And at least I know he won't blow up my kitchen, unlike someone else."

"You know I'm an excellent cook," Josh agreed, and then motioned to the food he'd made and now spread on the counter. "Here, calzones with roasted vegetable and a coleslaw salad."

We all grabbed plates and filled them with food, sitting back around the counter.

"Pizza would have been fine," Lexi suddenly said, as we were all eating like starving animals.

Josh swallowed his mouthful and said, "Blake, I'm gonna murder your girlfriend and use her flesh as my next calzones stuffing."

Tyler made a face beside him, looking at his sister apologetically. "I do have to disclose that Josh's criteria for what he considers an okay moment to be a cannibal are a lot less... strict than mine."

"Meat's meat. Be worried," Josh said with an evil grin.

"When you think Josh has traumatized you as much as he can..." my Pumpkin said, shaking her head lightly, but still eating his food.

Josh was still grinning like a maniac. "Never gonna happen Calzone Stuffin'. You haven't even scratched the surface of my depravity."

Lexi raised her eyebrows. "And we let him make our food?"