38• I got it

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I got it

"Falling for him wasn't falling at all, it was walking into a house and suddenly knowing you're home"
- r.i.d

September•1913•Mariana's POV

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September
•1913•
Mariana's POV

"Were you and Tommy..." she stopped herself, she seemed too innocent for people like me
Too scared to ask blunt or intrusive questions
But I knew what she wanted to know
And I didn't know whether to spare her feelings and lie or whether to break her heart a little more in honesty.

I stood up, choosing to avoid the question altogether
"Thank you for meeting me Greta" I said, genuinely grateful
Her face contorted into an emotion I knew. Recognition
She knew. She got her answer even if I didn't say it

"Did he... do you think he ever loved me?" She asked, stopping me in my tracks from leaving.

I turned back to face her
"Tommy Shelby's mind is a place I have never been, I can't imagine anyone would any time soon" I said.
She nodded, returning her attention to her drink.

October
•1913•

Speaking to Greta, made me feel worse and elated at the same time
On the one hand I was now running on the idea that Tommy broke up with her because I was coming home like Freddie said
That maybe she was really just a distraction

But then the other part of me, felt jealous and guilty
Sad that he was with someone else
That he never mentioned her to me
That we've kissed twice now without him interjecting that he'd dated whilst I was away

That he took her down to the canal tunnel
Our place.

Sad for her for being dumped so abruptly and with no explanation
And if she had been a distraction, then she certainly hadn't deserved it.

My head was a flurried confusion
But now that I had spoken to her, that I had talked things out with John and Freddie
I felt ready to get up in the morning
Like I should finally get back into the fold of things.

I needed to pull myself up, get back into business
And talk to Tommy
I'm sure Freddie will have grassed on me by now and told Tommy I knew about Greta
But I was trying not to think about last night

I didn't want to think about Greta
Or Tommy yet
I didn't want to think about prison
I wanted to shove it deep deep down.

"Are you sure you're ready?" Polly asked
"I'm more ready today than I ever will be Pol, I can handle it, I can take care of her" I said honestly, watching Nala bounce up the stairs to pack her things.

"If you insist" she gave in
"I do, trust me" I said, pleadingly
"I do, I always have done" she smiled.

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