The Epilogue - Katniss and Peeta

Wishing to be Dead.

_

I wake up suddenly and look around to find myself in the exact same position as last night. His arms are still warm and they're holding me close to him.

I didn't have any nightmares after he stayed with me. It's like just the thought of knowing he's with me has eased my mind greatly. It's like the thought of being comforted has prevented any nightmares that could've came.

I stare at the wall ahead of me, resting my head on his chest and embracing him. His heartbeat is steady, and it's calming to have a sense of stability. Suddenly, I feel his head begin to rest close to mine and I realize he must be awake. I move my head slightly to look up at him and he smiles at me softly.

"I didn't have anymore nightmares." I remark, feeling delighted to even gain an hour of sleep. He nods his head slightly and begins to untwine himself from me. I give him a confused look as he stands up and he shrugs his shoulders. "Where are you going?" I ask as he
"I was just going to go home. I didn't realize you still wanted me to stay after I barged in last night."
"You didn't barge in, I asked you to stay." I start, longing to be in his arms still. "Speaking of which, will you stay today? I need company." I ask, seemingly desperate.
"As long as you want me to." He says while gently sitting back down on my bed. I gesture for him to lay back down and he does, beginning to play with my hair as he used to.

I feel hesitant with our relationship. Because as much as I would love to stay like this forever, and continue to be with him, I know I'm not ready and neither is he. We've came a long way and I know that. But I just can't help of think of the future, and I sometimes manage to forget that I should be focusing on current times. Anything can change. The course of our future could be decided from a choice we made without thinking about the outcome.

"We could visit the meadow today," I pause while looking out the window, "we can walk to the lake." I suggest quietly.

In full honesty, I don't mind where we go. I don't mind if we merely go as friends. All I know is that I want to be around him, I want to be near him.

"Sounds good." He says while rising for the second time. I smile softly as I begin to get up. "I've got to run home real quick," he says while walking towards the door.

I nod my head and then he's gone. I turn my head back towards the mirror and look ahead. My face looks like it has a subtle glow to it—like I actually am alive. Maybe I should sleep more often, it seems to do me a favor.

_

As we walk through town, I can feel the stares directed at us. But they aren't looking at Peeta. They're looking at me, because I killed their family. I killed everyone. I start to feel uneasy and Peeta notices. It's not until we get out of sight that he begins to mention his worries.

"Are you okay, Katniss?" He asks quietly. I look towards him and nod my head.
"I'm fine." I remark briefly.
"I know you're lying." He says looking me in the eyes. I can trust him. I know I can trust him with details about me that nobody knows.

"I walk through the town, past the hob, acting as if nothing happened when in reality, I killed thousands of people who were purely innocent. I can't help but feel remorse and I can't control the immense amount of guilt I have." I snap. He doesn't react to my tone and begins softly again.
"From my perspective, you didn't kill thousands of people—you saved them. They never had a life that was theirs. They're just unable to look past their narrow concerns and they blame you for any misfortune that might've taken place."
"They won't ever see it like that. And I won't either. I should of been killed just like Prim was. I should be dead right now. I wish I was dead—" I catch myself. I've never been able to speak this freely. Yet, I've taken advantage of it and pushed it too far. Peeta was nearly met with death, and here I am wishing for it to happen to me.