Everything Is Just Fine

Chapter 37

Abel doesn't show up to my celebration at Aldo's, part of me is still disappointed the next day, but also I'm not surprised. I know it's going to take time, but the longer we go without talking the more time it gives me to overthink.

What if we never talk again?

Of course, Toby reassures me that I just need to give Abel his space, and not freak out so much, which is easier said than done.

"Alright, that's it, Jay." Toby is laying over my legs reading while I scroll through social media, but somehow, even though I'm trying my best to keep my expression neutral, he knows I'm worrying again. "We're going out." He sits up and gently smacks my leg. "Go get dressed."

I make a face at him. "You're very bossy."

"You want free ice cream or not?"

"I never said I wasn't going to do what you said," I stick my tongue out at him, "I just said you're bossy."

We get dressed quickly and head out to Toby's car. Besides getting ice cream, he doesn't tell me where else we are going. Even though I usually hate not knowing something, I am actually really at ease with letting Toby take the reins and just drag me along. I guess that goes to show how much I trust him, or something. I don't know. Sometimes the way my brain works confuses even me.

After stopping at the gas station to grab drinks, my promised ice cream, and a bag of chips, Toby drives out of town to the woods where we had spent Halloween night roasting marshmallows with our friends. He somehow finds the same spot as that night, and we hop out. I finish my ice cream before we head down to the water. We stop just at the edge of the small lake, and Toby takes my hand. His fingers are cold but strong.

"This is where I first realized I was attracted to you," he says.

My jaw drops. "Excuse me?"

"You heard what I said."

"That was Halloween. You were with Madison."

He turns to me, placing his hands on the sides of my face. His hazel eyes never leave mine. "I don't know exactly when I started to see you like that...like this, but it was before that night. I just realized that night that I thought about you more than I should have for someone I just considered a friend."

"Can I ask you something?" I take his hands from my face and hold them between us. He looks worried, but nods, telling me to continue. "If Madison hadn't cheated on you, would we have ever had a chance to be together?"

He shrugs. "I don't know. Madison and I had our problems, but I loved her. I think we still would have broken up over something else, but I didn't plan on breaking up with her." He pauses. "If Madison hadn't cheated on me, it would have had to have been her who broke up with me because I don't think I would have even with the problems we had."

It hurts knowing that there could have been a timeline where Toby and I could have possibly not ended up together.

Toby nudges me a little. "Don't worry, Jay. Everything worked out the way it was supposed to. I was never one who believed in fate or destiny or whatever, but I think you and I were meant to meet."

"I think so too."

Even if Toby and I weren't supposed to date. I'm still so glad I met him. He is my best friend, and that friendship--the trust I have with him, the way just his friendship and the friendship of the PW crew has had a helping hand in healing some of the damaged parts of my soul--means more to me than anything else in this world.

"I love you."

The words don't just mean romantic when I say them now. They encompass how grateful I am for him and his strength, friendship, being a great partner, and my rock. They mean I love him platonically, romantically, and everything in between. I love him on every level you could possibly love someone.

"I love you too, Jay."

I lean towards him, kissing him tenderly. His arms surround me, pulling me closer. Everything we both have yet to say is in this kiss. I don't want to pull away from him. I want to share everything with him. I want to give him everything I have to offer.

"Let's go back to the car," I whisper. I push more into him, letting him feel exactly what I mean by this statement.

We've fooled around a handful of times since getting together, but every time, Toby asks me the same thing, "Are you sure?" It's endearing, and the tentativeness in his voice just makes me want to prove to him how sure I am.

I pull him along after me and open the back door to his car. He slides in after me, and I kiss him again. This time is rough, urgent, and full of passion and need.

"Pants off," I half growl, half whisper.

"Now who's bossy?" he says even as he begins wiggling out of his joggers.

I ignore his comment and bend my head over his lap. He grunts out an 'oh, fuck' and his fingers tangle in my hair.