Everything Is Just Fine

Chapter 29

Kelly lives in a brownstone that is decorated for Christmas with lights and an angel made of tin foil standing on the front steps to greet passersby.

My stomach twists with knots and I am on the verge of having a freak out, but part of me knows that I have to do this. I need to know what she's like. Who is this woman that had given birth to me?

"Jesse." She says after she opens the door. Her voice whooshes out of her in a breath, as if she also had been unsure about this meeting.

Kelly is short and petite with long brown hair and wide brown eyes. Freckles dot her nose and cheeks, and her smile is warm and inviting. I can see myself in her. It's not hard to tell that we're related in some way.

"N-nice to meet you."

Her smile grows. "Come in, but please remain quiet. Titus is sleeping."

"Titus?"

"My son."

A prickle of jealousy simmers in my stomach. Wasn't I her son too? She just gave me away like I was some unwanted thing, but now she has a whole other family. Another son. One that she kept.

"Oh."

She wrings her hands, plastering on an awkward smile at the sudden change in my tone. "Come into the living room. We can talk about everything." She leads me through the bright blue and white rooms filled with pictures of their small family: her, Titus, and a bespeckled man that I can only assume is her husband. "Would you like anything? Water? A cookie?"

"I'm fine. Thank you."

I lower myself onto the light gray couch in their living room, my leg bouncing on its own accord. I don't think I could make it stop if I tried. Kelly sits in a rocking chair opposite of me. She sits stiff, halfway on the seat with her hands holding her knees. It's a bit of a comfort to know that she's as nervous as I am.

"I'm sure you have a lot of questions."

"Nana told me pretty much everything, but I want to hear it from you."

Kelly nods and grips her knees harder. "I was young, not even sixteen when I got pregnant with you. My parents were religious, and told me an abortion was out of the question, not that I wanted one," she adds hastily as I shift uncomfortably on the couch. "I wasn't ready for a child, and my parents made it very clear that if I kept you then I would be on my own. They would kick me out, and I couldn't afford to raise a child on my own, but not only that, I had so many plans. I wanted to be a doctor and to do that I needed to focus on school. I knew keeping you wouldn't give you or me the life we deserved, and abortion just wasn't an option for me, so the only next thing was adoption.

"I remembered overhearing Monica and Aaron talking about how they wanted children, but Monica couldn't get pregnant. She was so heartbroken that she couldn't give your father any children, and here I was with a baby. I could give them this gift that they wanted so badly."

"They were barely in their twenties, why didn't you give me to, like, actual adults?"

Kelly sniffed. I don't even know when she started crying. "I didn't want to give you away to just anyone. Your parents had helped my family through some hard times when they were our neighbors, and I wanted to repay that."

I nod and fidget. I don't know what to say to her. Is there anything I should say?

"Your parents were reluctant at first because of college and finance, but I think your nana and grandfather were the deciding factors. They told your parents to seize the opportunity, and that they would help in any way they can. If I remember correctly, your nana told them that you were meant for them, she felt it in her bones. That's exactly how I felt."

"Why did you reach out now? You've had eighteen years to contact me, why now?"

"Your parents and I agreed that they would tell you all about me when you turned eighteen, but then the accident happened, and I didn't want to drop a bomb on your while you were still grieving, but recently I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and the big C has a way of putting things into perspective. I didn't want to leave the world without knowing you."

"Are...are you going to be okay?"

Kelly smiled in a way that I think is supposed to be reassuring, but it isn't. It's tight lipped and unsure. "I'm just taking it one day at a time." She shifts, looking around her own house like she isn't entirely sure why she's there. "Please understand why I did what I did, Jesse."

"I do," I say truthfully. In fact, had I been in her position I would have done the same. Without Kelly's generosity towards my parents, I would not have received all the love and memories they had given me, and that was worth more than anything in this world.

"I would like to keep in touch if that's okay."

"Yeah. I would like that too. Actually, my friends are playing at IUG in Brooklyn tonight. Would you like to come?" My leg begins jiggling again. "No pressure."

Kelly's bright smile returns. "Are you sure?"

I nod, leg still jiggling. I don't know if I'm nervous that she'll say yes, or if I'm nervous she'll say no. I'm still not sure why I invited her in the first place.

"I would love to."

I don't necessarily relax, but my leg does stop jiggling.

Kelly and I talk for another hour, and then she sends me off with a dozen cookies. At that hour, Titus wakes up, and I get to meet the tiny two-year-old. He doesn't take to me, but I think that's because we really don't know what to make of each other just yet.

Before I leave, Kelly makes me promise that I'll go to brunch in the morning before I leave the city.

As I walk to the subway, I pull out my cell, dialing Toby. He answers on the second ring.

"So, how did it go?"

"It was great," I say, smiling as I give him all the details. But part of me wishes he was here with me so I could tell him everything face to face.

When I get back, I'm telling him the truth. I'm telling him I love him. The thought of that is almost scarier than meeting Kelly.