The Masters Brothers - Driven (Completed)

9. Beatrice

I had slept badly, every slight sound making me jerk awake, my mind battling me, making the boys the monsters hunting me, fuelled by my guilt at just leaving without talking to them, but I knew that I would have caved and stayed and nothing would have changed and I was done lying, to myself especially. 

 Seeing them with women touching them hurt, even if nothing happened, I still saw it and my heart had been cracked a little more each time it happened. I had been lying to myself, hiding what I felt, was I risking our friendship, if it went wrong I wouldn't just lose them, I would lose Mama August and the dads as well...

I had tried to make sure everything was in place and I knew Logan would have sorted a PA for them.  Again the guilt crept in, I knew how busy they were at the moment, with just six weeks left in the season they would have non stop training, racing, practice, events, press, not to mention the travel between each race, would my actions cost them this season?

I was sitting down with a coffee when the small mobile Mama August had told me to use instead of mine rang and my heart raced as I reached for it, she was the only one who had the number, but what if somethin...

"Bea"
"Hey" I croaked out nervously and heard her sigh.
"They are alright Bea, stop worrying"
I half snort as relief hits me "Sorry" I mutter out and it's August's turn to laugh.
"The boys came home last night, demanding I told them where you were"
I froze.

"I didn't tell them, I've told them to give you till the end of the season and then I will let them know where you are if you want me to. That gives you six weeks for you to decide what you want" she pauses " I know you love them and you have for a while, for what it's worth, I think you are doing the right thing. I think you need to clear your head and do things for you, your books, relax and try not to worry"
"Are they okay?" I whisper out and wait as she thinks.

"The truth?"
"And nothing but" I agree softly, knowing I need to hear it.
"They are hurting, they're angry but they are also so sorry, they've always loved you and now this has happened, their blinkers are off and it's made them look at the rut you have all been in and they see you now. I don't think they will let you go, even if you wanted them too"
"I... I don't... want them to" I whisper "But I'm scared" but she hears me.

"Then you have six weeks. I have told them you can access your emails, but it is up to you if you want to reply."
"Thank you" I can feel my tears falling.
"Oh my little Bea, no matter what happens you are my daughter in my heart, if you need anything, anything at all, promise you will call me" I can hear her sniffing and my love for this woman grows, she has always supported me, ever since I met the boys at fifteen, she was more my mother than my real one.
"I love you all and I'm sorry for all this trouble I'm causing" I can't stop the words bring a loud sob free with them.
"Oh Bea, do you want to come home, here to the manor, I can keep the boys away, if you would rather be here"

I shake my head, loving the offer, so tempting, the thought of a Mama August hug, but she had been right, I needed this break from them, from everything.
"Thank you but I think you were right, and it's beautiful here, I want to try... here"
August laughs "I know what you mean and one day I will tell you the history of the place for our family, but now I need to go and wrangle my men, stay safe my darling girl, and remember if..."
I laugh and finish the sentence "need anything I will let you know, I promise"
"Good good, now don't forget to check your emails, love you my little Bea"
"Love you Mama August" I reply softly and hang up, staring at the phone in my hand for ages before putting it aside and reaching for my laptop.

There are twenty emails waiting for my attention but my gaze only focuses on two, Simon and Blake had each sent me something...

My hand shakes as I open Simons first, my vision blurring as I read his words... he's poured his heart into his words, telling me sorry 15 times as he tells me he loves me. My heart flutters and guilt and joy war and then settles as I read his promises to me. Six weeks. I have six weeks to get ready, to work out what I want and then they are claiming me forever.

I wipe my face with the cuff of my sleeve, too emotional to get up and look for a tissue, snorting at myself as my mothers voices screeches how disgusting it is, but I don't care as I ready myself to read Blake's email.

Blake's personality has always been more acerbic than Simons and it's clear in the first sentence that he is frustrated, my eyes agin blurring with tears as between the threats of punishing me for being a bad girl and not talking to them, he is telling me everything he loves about me, I surprise myself at the giggle that I can't hold back at his words. He too mentions the six weeks, promising me he is going to win the championship for me, that I will be their true prize.

I lean back and smile as I think of them, my mind picturing them bent over the keyboard as they typed the words. I knew I had to reply but what did I say, I was still feeling to raw but...
I hit send and watched as my one line reply went back to school of them.
'I love you, thank you for giving me time x yours Bea'