Children of The Fallen

Chapter 24: lectures

"Oh you think I'm some evil mastermind on the inside?"

"No. You seem." I emphasized. "To always shy away from saying what you actually want to say. Doing what you actually want to do. If you do, you apologize for it. You're a people pleaser. You'll hinder yourself, shut out feelings and emotions if it means other people are happy." It's her eyes that give it away. While she tries to control all her other facial movements, she's so expressive with her eyes. I single glance into them- a minuscule flash, or a small shift in them and it exposes everything. "What I saw tonight? You doing what you and only you wanted to do was the most alive I've seen you in the past almost two months. It seemed like a different you, like the real Morgan made an appearance." I take my eyes off the road to see her own. Her lips threaten to smile but her eyes are already doing it for her.

Her cheeks flush red before she pulls her eyes away from mine. She swallows sitting back in her seat. "I can say the same about you."

I laugh bringing my attention back to the vacant road. "I am the furthest thing from a people pleaser."

"No." She waves me off. "I mean tonight. The real Gray made an appearance."

"The real Gray?" I love it when she calls me that.

"You just seemed." She mocks back. "like your every action didn't have some ulterior motive behind it. You weren't an absolute dick tonight."

I grin. "Hate to break it to you love, but it was a one time thing."

"Oh back to being a dick tomorrow?"

"Back to being who I am tomorrow." I respond.

She looks at me through her eyelashes. "Again, I don't believe you." She waves her hand over her face and mouths the word 'mask.'

"Believe whatever you want Morgan. " I turn away. "I am who I am, if everyone views that as a dick or a monster? So be it."

She's silent for a few passing seconds. "Well if that is truly who you are. I'm sorry for whatever made you that way."

"Excuse me?"

"You didn't pop out of the womb ready to murder people and stuff. Did you?"

"No."

"Yeah. We're all just..." She pauses to think for a few seconds. "We're everything we've experienced." I see her gesturing with her hands making big circle in my peripheral. She's very animated with her hand gestures when she's not nervous- and drunk apparently. "How we think, how we act, is 'cus of all we've lived through. So whatever you had to experience to make you like that... I'm sorry." I realize I'm clenching my jaw, any harder I'd break my teeth. I release it as I readjust my white knuckled tightened grip on the steering wheel and I roll my shoulders back.

"Sorry I'm just drunk and a former psych major, forget it." She says shoving her hands under her thighs.

"Stop apologizing. You're fine." I say not looking away from the road.

"Sorr-" She cuts herself off.

We both ride in silence the rest of the time thanks to the radio being broken in this stupid car. I looked over at her every now and then, she was quiet but still buzzing with energy and excitement. I saw actual color in her face every time we passed a street light. The warm genuine upwards pull she stopped trying to fight from forming on her face. From what I could see of her eyes, they were awake and blazing. I wish she'd turn her head a little more. I enjoy looking at her- she's gorgeous. Everything about her seems to just pull me in. Her eyes, her smile, her voice, her scent- like a crisp autumn night with just a hint of vanilla. Since the first night she's had this hold on me, no matter how hard I try to avoid it or pretend otherwise. I tease and taunt or shamelessly flirt with her like an idiot teenage boy trying to cover up their crush but it quickly became more than just a cover up. I love seeing her cheeks flush red. I love it when her eyes narrow at me or her right eyebrow raises ever so slightly. I find myself excitedly awaiting whatever she snaps back at me with. I honestly can't stand that I feel these things with her. I'd like to not feel the need to be around her or look at her or think about her. It'd truly make my life so much easier if I didn't, so I don't know why I do.