New Beginnings

IX

Nick's POV

I was sitting in Jessica's hospital room, my head in my hands, with the memory stuck in my head on rewind. It ran through my head over and over and over again; relentlessly. 

1 Week Ago

"Jessica! Oh fuck. Fuck, Fuck, FUCK!" I ran over to her as fast as I could bringing her into my arms, and holding her; cradling her. Crying, I sat there for a moment before finally trying to find her phone. It was laying in the bathroom, cracked to hell, but, thankfully, it still worked. I immediately called 999 and, then, called Maeve. It felt like years were passing by when she finally picked up the phone.

"Is everything okay, Jess?"

"Maeve, it's Nick. You need to get over here as soon as possible. Jessica's been attacked."

"Fuck! I'm on my way."

Present Day

I couldn't help but start crying. I couldn't help but blame myself. I shouldn't have left that day. I should've gone back. The fact that I couldn't get there in time to help her ate away at me. I just continued to sit, unmoving, in the chair next to her bed. No matter how many times Maeve had said that she'll stay, I refused to leave. 

This is my fault. This is my fault. I constantly said those words on repeat inside my head. If I had just gotten there in time, none of this would be happening right now. Jess wouldn't be in a coma if it weren't for me. 

Leaning forward, I put her hand in mine and pressed my lips against it and cried. "I'm so sorry, Jess."

Jessica's POV

All I can see is... nothing. It's dark and there is no glimmer of light anywhere. But I can hear... something or... someone? Calling my name.

Jess... 

It sounds like... Nick? But... If he's here, where is he? 

Nick! I try to shout out to him but, suddenly, I'm now looking at myself. I'm trying to shout but I can't make any sound. It's like I have no voice. Just thoughts.

I run around trying to find something - anything.

Then, off in the distance, I see a small twinkle of light and the distant noise of what sounds like... beeping? I run towards it, but every time I feel like I'm getting closer it pulls itself back even further. I keep running until I just can't anymore. I collapse to the ground; cold and unforgiving.

Just as soon as the light appeared, it quickly faded away and disappeared.

Nick's POV

1 month Later

I'm at home - alone.

My flatmate had gotten sick of the layabout I had become and he moved out. Said it was "too difficult to pull the extra weight around here" and "Watch you drink yourself to death."

It has been a month since what happened to Jess and I couldn't bear to watch her lay there - not moving - on the brink of death. Maeve keeps me updated and asks me to visit Jess again but... I just- I just can't. 

Now, I just sit here - doing nothing. I haven't been back to work in weeks until they were forced to let me go. Taking another swig of my beer, I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the bottle; and I hate what I see. Getting angry, I chuck the bottle against the wall of my living room; watching it shatter. A moment later, I hear a knock on the front door.

Begrudgingly, I got up. Answering it, I see the one person I never wanted to see again. Ever. 

"What do you want?" I say to her.

"I heard what happened on the news a while back, but... I wasn't sure if you wanted to see me, let alone talk to me." Kate had this look of pity on her face and I hated every part of it.

"You're right, I don't." When I go to slam the door in her face, she stops it.

"Nick! Wait, just... please. Hear me out?" Too drunk to argue, I'm not quick enough to stop her from coming inside.

She takes one look around the place. Floor a mess, bottles of alcohol everywhere. "Jesus, Nick..."

"Look, just leave, okay? I don't want, nor need, your pity. If anything, I'd rather just not talk to anyone."

She looks at me, then walks across the way and turns on the lights. My eyes shy away from the sudden brightness and by the time they recover, I see Kate cleaning it all up. "Kate... what are you-"

"Don't talk. Go get cleaned up while I work on this mess."

Before I have time to argue, she gently pushes me to the hallway and I just end up doing as she says.

By the time I get done, I walk out and see the entire room wiped clean. "Come on," Kate says, grabbing my hand. "We're gonna go out."

Once again, I don't have time to respond before she's pulled me outside of my flat and is taking me to... God knows where.

                                                                               ************

By the time we got to where we were going, I realized where this was the moment I laid my eyes on it: Regent High School. 

"Kate," I say as I pull away from her. "This isn't the time to go down memory lane. I appreciate the offer of a day out, but the last thing I need right now is... this."

"Come on, just give it a chance. This is where we first met, and it would be the perfect distraction from what's troubling you." 

Sighing, I give in. I'm too damn tired to fight right now and I would rather just get it over and done with as soon as possible. "Fine."

Smiling, she takes my hand and we walk down to where the busses are parked. The snow was falling gently atop all of them. I look down at our hands entwined together, and I... I feel nothing. Frowning, I continue to stare at them until Kate finally speaks up.

"I remember when, on our first day here in year 9, I tripped and fell face first in front of everyone and they all were laughing at me, but... you? You weren't laughing. You walked right up to me, helped me back up, looked me in the eyes and said-"

"Don't worry, I got you," I said finishing her sentence.

"Ah, so you do remember."

"Of course I remembered. You were my first girlfriend, after all."

Silence falls between us. I can't help but want to go back home and forget this even happened. She's the first one to speak up - of course.

"You were the reason I didn't have a shitty school experience. Despite the bullies, you were the one who kept me going - the reason I was confident in myself."

"Confident? That was all you, Kate. I had nothing to do with it. You had it in you to be confident and you were. So, give yourself the credit. 'Cause I know I don't want it."

"You know what, Nick-"

"What? What now, Kate?" I say, cutting her off. She stayed quiet, so I continued.

"I don't know what you expected from all of this 'walk down memory lane' bullshit, but it was definitely not gonna end with you and me back together. I meant what I said a month ago and I won't change my mind. You and me? We're done."

Before she can respond, I walk off; and head to the nearest pub I can find. I've been sober for way too long, I say to myself.