Under Normal Circumstances

No More Goodbyes

Kneeling in front of me was the world's sweetest man, wanting to be my husband. I didn't know how I ended up there or what I did to deserve it.
There was some chimera of emotions trying to stretch out in my chest, filling it up and threatening to burst right out of me.

"Oh my god, Slivie!" I breathed. "Of course I will!"
Everything had sucked so hard when we were apart, my answer was a no brainer.

He smiled as big as I was as his slightly shaking hands took mine and placed the ring on my finger. It fit so perfectly and made me feel like my hand was somehow prettier now.

Still on one knee, Slivko wrapped his arms around me, pressing his face to my stomach as he squeezed me tight. His sigh of relief went through my shirt and warmed my skin. My right hand was buried in his hair  and after looking at the ring for a second longer I wrapped that arm around his shoulders.

His eyes were more teary as he stood up a little shakily. He rested his forehead against mine. It seemed like he thought I might not say yes.

"Thank you," he breathed, breaking my heart and mending it at the same time.

"I love you," I said as I held his face, finally feeling tears well up on me.

"I love you too," he repeated before pressing grateful lips to mine.

We held each other close as we kissed, Slivko's hands moving along my sides and back, looking for someway to hold me even closer, like that was possible. I felt like a bit of his soul seeped into me at that moment, as though from then on I'd feel his pain like we shared the same body, if I ever hurt him I'd be hurting myself.

Our lips parted and I felt his warm breath on my neck as he pressed his cheek to mine, nuzzling near my ear.

"How long have you been planning this?" I asked him.

"Since the hammock, when I asked you if you liked gold or silver."

I looked at the ring over his shoulder and noticed that it was silver. I giggled into the crook of his neck as I squeezed his shoulders so tight.

"You didn't know you wanted to marry me already!" I said in disbelief even though I couldn't wipe the huge smile off my face.

"Yes I did, that's the whole reason I asked!" He laughed as he pulled back and looked down at me with a dopey grin. "You slipped into that hammock with me so naturally-"

"I think mostly I fell into it," I pointed out with a laugh.

"Maybe a little," he nodded with a fond grin. "But it was still like you'd done it a million times before, and the way you held my hand made it feel like you'd do it a million more. I practically prayed there wasn't a boyfriend in your life already because I could not let you go."

Here I had thought he was just flustered when I held his hand, I didn't realize I had made him feel so much more than that.
His dark eyes were staring deeply in my own, his fingers brushed my neck as he cradled my face and his thumb stroked my cheek.
"I'm so happy I didn't have to, and I never will. You are my family now."

My heart swelled at the thought, and even though it was lovely and happy and wonderful, it was also deep and intense and immediately brought tears to my eyes. It reminded me it was about more than just romance, and even more than just being the closest of friends. We were choosing to join ourselves and our whole lives together and make our own little family bubble that was separate from, but somehow included the rest of our families.

My parents would have to deal with being related to Matt, Slivko would have to get used to being related to Jared, Grace would get four new family members, and Billy would have two more male figures in his life to help out where he'd be missing or needing his dad.

As my chin began to wobble I buried my face in his chest and cried despite how happy I was, or maybe it was because I was so happy. Maybe it didn't matter what emotion it was, if you have too much of it, it's going to come out your eyes.

"You ok?" Slivko asked me after a moment or two of body shaking sobs, his mouth pressed to my hair.

I pulled back just enough to look at him and nod fervently, knowing that even with a gross crying face I was still his beautiful girl. "Yes. I want to be family," I said through hitched breaths and sniffles like I was a toddler before nuzzling into his chest again and clutching his strong shoulders.

"Ok," he said as he gently rocked me and rubbed my back to soothe me. "For the record I didn't want to make you cry like this. A few tears, sure. But not sobbing."

I managed a soggy laugh.

"It hurts to see you cry, I feel like I've seen you shed enough tears for two lifetimes already and I want to keep those things that make you cry far away from you, not be one of the reasons you're crying."

"I'm sorry-"

"Oh, baby, you don't need to apologize for it." He sighed.

"I am happy," I said. "I'm at least crying because I'm happy this time."

He smoothed his hand over my hair as he clutched me to his chest.

"What are they going to think when they see your face though?" He asked after a beat and I laughed again.

We got back to everyone and it was a frenzy of celebration, everyone finally able to quit acting like they didn't all know he'd been planning to propose. Plans for a nice dinner had also been made in advance and without my knowledge and we hurried to pack everything up so we could go.

Grace and Penny tried to talk about the wedding but I waved them off.

"I don't want to think about the actual wedding part yet," I explained. "We have to think dates and guests and where we're going to live and it's all so serious and complicated and messy, I just want to stay happy today."

They talked amongst themselves about flowers and dresses while I clung to Slivko's arm the whole night, unable to do anything but smile. We had some champagne and did some dancing until Billy fell asleep. The party didn't stop, it just changed locations.

We sprawled around the living room with drinks and chocolates, photo albums and records playing late into the night or early into the morning depending on how you looked at it. I was half asleep when Slivko scooped me up and carried me down to my "room" in the basement.

He tucked me into the sofa bed and I held his hand.

"Stay with me?" I asked him with my best puppy eyes.

He looked conflicted but I could tell he had no willpower in that moment.

"Please, Slivie?" I threw on to push him over the edge.

I grinned as he sighed and crawled under the covers with me, his chest pressed to my back as he held me close.

"If we get in trouble I'll say you seduced me."

I giggled sleepily. "I'm too sleepy to do anything, I just didn't want to be alone."

"Didn't get enough attention with everyone tonight?" His question made me groan.

"Too much!" I corrected. "I wanted to be alone with you when I could hear myself think again."

"And what are you thinking about?" He snuggled down and I could tell we'd be fast asleep in minute.

"I'm trying not to think about anything but the fact that we don't have to say goodbye ever again."

He pressed a loving kiss behind my ear. Then after a moment confessed "I was thinking about your swim suit."

I think I fell asleep with a smile on my face.