Mania

13

"Healing"

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1.
He licks the blood up from my cup and spits it onto the floorboard. He tells me that it doesn't taste as great since he wasn't the one to cause it. I laugh as I pour a mixture of vinegar and bleach over his moth-ate shirt. I stick it in his mouth and around his nose when I'm finished. I wish he would've learned how to treat his only daughter.

2.
The boys from school have shimmied down into a waste. They look at me with cynical regret but I know that the seats beside them— even if reserved for me— I would not be able to take.
I made a pie, just to throw it in their faces. I mixed the batter with leather jackets so they could choke on the feeling of what it's like to hate what you taste.
Why am I only pretty when my body is no longer a representation on how I feel? I wish they would've learned how to stop a nice girl from disappearing.

3.
I grab myself a blanket and wrap my arms around my ribs. I am tired of beating myself to nothing just to make sure I am feeling what I'm feeling.
Tonight, instead of vacuuming out my lungs and making myself a hollow piece— I will give myself a kiss goodnight.

I hope that I will learn how to love myself again, and wish I would've learned how to cut away the weeds.

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