Love, High-On! | | JJK

14

Jungkook was here.

I don't know how or why but he was here. And I've never been relieved enough. And I've never been so grateful to anyone.

I was frozen on my spot. Jungkook was rushing towards me like I was going to disappear if he doesn't catch me a second earlier.

Tears blur my vision. I bite my lips hard. I need to stay strong. I survived worse. I can survive this too. It's just a piece of cake.

"Are you okay?" He holds my shoulder looking all over my body for any kind of wounds. He finds none. Because it's my heart that's wounded. It's my soul.

I look into his eyes. "Y/n..." He whispers my name ever so slowly. Something very painful crosses his eyes when he notices the tears in my eyes.

The last string holding me together breaks when he carefully wraps his arms around me pulling me into his chest.

I don't try to remain strong anymore. I don't swallow back the tears like I have been doing that for years. I don't ignore the throbbing pain in my chest.

I cry in his chest wetting his shirt. He doesn't say anything. He just holds me like I am the most delicate being and he is taking the responsibility of not letting me fall. I cry for several minutes. I don't even realize for how long I'm crying in his chest, screaming, and being my most vulnerable self.

My hands pressing against his chest tightly. Eventually the loud cries turn into muffled sobs and then nothing but only tears.

I'm trembling and it doesn't bother me that I am crying in front of him. It feels like I can do anything I want. I am free to feel everything. And I am free to express it all. He won't judge. He will only hold me close and save me from breaking completely.

I pull away but his hands remain around my waist.

Tears are falling. I stare at the ground blankly. When I think of my life, it makes me cry more.

His hands slide from my waist. He brings them up holding my chin. He lifts my head, wipes the tears on my cheeks gently. He leans his head closer to mine.

"Who did this to you?" His voice comes out all wrong. Harsher, rougher, more dangerous. But it settles a warm feeling in my chest.

Someone cares about me. And that someone just happens to be a stranger I barely met three days ago and not the people who have known me forever.

It hurts but at the same time it's making me feel happy that at least someone is here for me.

"Who was it?" He asks again, in a softer voice this time.
I suck in a sharp breathe hugging him again. It feels comfortable, safer.

Like the world would crash down but I'll still be safe in his arms. I shouldn't feel this way for him. I shouldn't place so much trust on someone I barely know but when I have never known love, care, trust and other words all my life and suddenly someone starts giving me all of them, I'll definitely be greedy for it.

"Please... I don't want to be here." My voice is hoarse, almost inaudible.  "Okay. I'll take you to your home—" I shake my head looking up at him. That's the last place I want to be at. I don't have a home. It's just a house built with crazy money.

"No... " My voice breaks. I am not capable of speaking anything. He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear cupping my cheeks.

"We'll go to my house then, okay?" I nod my head. He intertwines his fingers with mine walking me to his car. And this feels.... Right.

At this moment, everything feels just right.

We sit in his car and he drives to his house. I am simply stating at my hands that are on my lap.

The memories come back stabbing my heart a million times like a chef murders the vegetables in his kitchen.

I don't deserve this. I don't deserve this life. I deserve to be a freaking queen sitting on a damn throne. I might be exaggerating but all I mean to say is that I don't deserve to go through this in my age when I have already seen the worse side of life in my early teens.

A tear falls from my cheeks landing on my hand.

I hate my skin. I hate how I let him touch me again.

"I'm here, y/n." Jungkook's free hand presses over my hands. He holds it gently.

I look at our hands. My heart flutters the way it never did.

The simplest act of holding hands brings out such a huge reaction from me.

I am so pathetic.

The entire ride he holds my hand and I guess I might be falling in love with this feeling. I've never liked anything more than drugs.

Maybe now I've found something I like more than drugs.

———————

"I want to take a shower." I tell him in the living room of his house. I might be a little too in daze to care about my surroundings.

"I'll show you the guest room and bring you some clothes." He walks me to the guest room and shows me the bathroom and walks away as I shut the bathroom door behind me.

As I walk to the shower I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I stop there, staring at myself.

My eyes full of emptiness, my cheeks covered with dried tears, my nose too red for my liking, my skin too dry and disgusting.

I raise my hand scratching the itchy area on my neck. I slide my shirt off my shoulders looking at the redness on my neck.

I take off my jacket and the packets spill on the floor. I stare at those packets. The urge to sniff them is so high. I wouldn't remember a thing from tonight. Everything will be fine tomorrow.

My trembling hands reach out to floor as I pick them up.

Just a little bit.

I open the packet pouring the powder on the bathroom counter. Rolling the paper I sniff the substances. An electric feeling rushes through my veins.

This is the best feeling ever but it still wouldn't cross the feeling I felt when I was with Jungkook.

I sit under the shower closing my eyes. The water is too cold. It trickles down my body. Every drop is like a stab on my skin but eventually my body starts getting numb.

My mind is already into that universe I've created for myself. A sigh leaves my lips. There's no blood rush, no rapid heart beats, no breathing.

Just moments passing by with me sleeping like I don't even exist.

I don't remember for how long I was in the shower under the water.
But I remember hearing a knock on the door.

Slowly water started washing off my high. I guess, the drugs weren't strong enough.

I rub my skin furiously as more tears roll down my cheeks.

It's an emotional roller coaster. My emotions are always like this. One moment I'm crying, the other moment I'm angry and a second later I'm just a block of never melting ice.

"Y/n, are you okay?" I hear Jungkook's voice. I wipe my tears standing up on my wobbly legs. I wrap a towel around me opening the door.

Jungkook stands straight in front of me.

"You were taking too long—I—There are your clothes. Call me when you are done."

He exits the room. I stare at the pair of Jungkook's shorts and his shirt.

I put them on and I look like an ant in these clothes but who cares.

"Jungkook." My voice is shaky, not too loud. I doubt if he heard me. I'm about to call again when the door opens and he comes inside sitting beside me on the bed.

Silence gets louder with every second passing by.

I want him to speak, break this silence, make me feel like I am not alone. And he does just that.

"You want to talk?"