Love, High-On! | | JJK

04

Somehow, I didn't jerk my legs up reaching out for the door knob and rushing out of this room. This room that was huge didn't suffocate me as I expected it to. It radiated a strange warmth.

And someone's gaze didn't let me stand for a while longer. I was again resting back on the chair looking around the room. The substances inside me has snatched away that anxious element from me. It was very rare for me to be in all my senses to be anxious, nervous, excited, angry or in any other state. To feel anything at all.

Now, when I was here processing everything I still felt like I was high. But not on any ordinary substances.

I was high with the feeling of this man staring right through my soul.

"What's your name?" I asked shifting on my chair uncomfortably. He narrowed his eyes on me leaning forward. "You didn't hear your brother? You didn't see the board outside? Or are you ignoring the name plate on my desk?" I rolled my eyes poking my inner cheeks. It was a rather stupid sentence to start a conversation. But it's not my fault. I've never had a normal conversation with anyone. It's always a two line sentence I speak to get what I want.

I needed to start one to make him look away from me.

"And is it a problem if I want to hear from you?" I glanced at him briefly taking notice of his lifted up corner of his pink lips that I didn't dare to look at for a second longer. What was he smirking for? Or am I hallucinating. Definitely, I am hallucinating.

"Oh! In that case, it's Jungkook." I nodded my head repeating his name under my breathe. "Jungkook"

I was shocked myself how his name has sounded on the tip of my tongue. Like a holy chant, like the purest thing in the world, so innocent, so sweet. But nothing about him was sweet. It was all hidden in golden wrappers. I shook my head shaking off the thoughts.

"Why did you decide to become a therapist? That too for..." I trailed off giving him a knowing shrug. His fingers again wrapped around the paper weight. He twirled it between his fingers and they had grabbed all my attention making me forget my own question.

"I was a high schooler when I realized how good of a listener I was. It was you know... what should I say..." He held his chin between his fingers thinking of the correct words. "...thrilling." My brows furrowed. How was listening to people's reckless lives was thrilling to him? It was Sadistic.

He was sadistic.

"I wanted to know how bad someone's life could be for them to introduce themselves to a slow killing process." I blinked my eyes. Was that fun? Knowing how much Shit was actually happening in reality.
I wanted to speak out loud but I didn't. I let him continue.

He chuckled. Or something like that. Not a total laugh but it was something .The sound piercing through my heart painfully reaching like sweet honey in my ears. I wanted him to do that again. Just one more time.
His hand made it's way down to the drawer.

"And then I got to know... That some just wanted to try drugs... Because they had too much money to burn." When he brought his hands up on the desk my eyes almost fell out. A pack of cigarettes. He pulled out a stick keeping it between his lips. He extended the pack in front of me. Holding the stick between his fingers he tipped his brow to the pack.

"Want one?" I was left shocked. Like, too stunned to speak. My head slightly shook as I refused. Not like I didn't want but I was disturbed with the fact that my therapist wasn't actually acting like a therapist.
He was rather being a philosophical drug dealer.

He shrugged his shoulders walking towards the huge window frame that gave the best sight of Seoul. I followed him wanting to take a look. It's been a lifetime I found something beautiful to look at.

He lit up the cigarette and I couldn't hold myself anymore.

"You are my therapist." My words still filled with amusement. He turned his head to my side raising a brow. "And?" I tilted my head giving him an indecipherable look. "And... Nothing." I said feeling awkward. Wasn't he supposed to hate these kind of stuff? That is what his job is about.

He exhaled a breathe making me look at him. "Y/n, my motive is totally to make you want to live your life. Not do drugs with the intention of dying. These things could be fun you know." He grinned. And you can't even imagine how insane he sounded. Like a crazy psychopath. Humans like these existed were a surprise to me. I scoffed bringing my hands up to my chest. "So you are saying that everyone should do drugs as a fun activity?" He hummed. "Kind of. I mean I just hate how people see drugs as a stress reliever." This man's thinking was on a whole different level. So alienated. He kept taking me by surprise with every word he spoke.

"Drugs are made to relieve your stress." I stated the fact which he seemed to be very unfamiliar with. And he did it again. That sound rumbled from his stomach passing through his throat reaching my ears. "Nope, they are for you to see how a scientist could play with your life and you wouldn't even know. Instead, you'd love what he made." That line.

That. They are for you to see how a scientist could play with your life and you wouldn't even know.

It hit my gut hard. Something twisted inside my stomach. The tone he used to say that sentence sent chills through my spine. And that moment of darkness inside his eyes was horrifying.

That's when I realized. A harsh realisation.

He was hiding something so dark behind those innocent glasses. I almost wanted to run away from here.

I rubbed my arms smoothing the hair that stood up on my hands looking away. I cleared my throat walking back to the seat. I suddenly felt an urge to make distance between us. He didn't give off that playful aura he gave before.

"I wasn't ready to do this bullshit before but I don't have an option, so how this is gonna be?" He threw the cigarette in the dustbin before coming back to his chair behind the desk.

Even after the desk made enough space between us, I felt like I was still too close to him. That's what his intense gaze did.

"Six months contract. Just give me two hours of your day and I'll make you fall in love with yourself."

It sounded like a promise. My lips parted. I never heard things like these. I only read it in novels when I was in my early teens. It sounded so cliché. Like a fantasy

But not right now.

Not when he was looking at me with all the sincerity in his eyes telling me with his face that it's possible and he'd really do that.

But I was a pathetic mess.

Trust!

I don't do that. It's the most stupid and heartbreaking shit in this world. It's better to keep your trust with yourself.

I smirked shrugging my shoulders leaning forward on the desk. That moment my eyes were free from any highs. And it kind of felt good for few moments. 

"I challenge you." My voice was low and calming unlike the storm in my chest. "If you can... Make me fall in love with myself. So hard that it gives me the strength to fight for myself. Make me love myself like no one ever did before."