✮Sherlock|Sherlock X Reader|One Last Goodbye

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words:1713
Wrote this a while ago. Don't know if I hate it or not.
TW:suicide attempt

Sherlock came home from a long case with John. "We're back!" John shouted through the flat but they got no response from their flatmate, Y/N.
"Y/N?" John asked into the silence. "Did she tell you that she's going somewhere today?" Sherlock shook his head at Johns question. "Wait, maybe she wrote us a message." the blonde took his phone out and looked through his notifications. Nothing. "That's strange, she never leaves, without saying anything." John thought out loud. "John, we aren't her parents, she's an adult, she can go where she wants and she doesn't have to tell us. Maybe she's out with a friend." Sherlock said and sat on his chair. John didn't say anything and went to the kitchen to drink something.

John was worried. Y/N never left without saying anything. He decided to call her. In times where a guy like Moriarty can wander around in London, Y/N isn't that safe, especially as a friend of Sherlock.

Hello, this is the voicemail of Y/N
Y/L/N please leave a message after the tone.
'beeb'

John put his phone down and thought about it. 'maybe she left a note in her room?' he decided to give it a try and went to her room.

He was right. On her bed was a note.

Sherlock & John

Was written on the folded paper in
Y/Ns handwriting. He took the letter and went to the living room. "Sherlock, look what I found." he gave the paper to Sherlock who took a closer look at it. John didn't know what was going on in his head but when Sherlock looked back at him, he seemed more pale than usual.

"Whats wrong?" John asked. "And please don't do a 10 minutes deduction, just say whats going on." he added. "It's a note to say goodbye, John." John looked at him with tears slowly filling his eyes. "What, no...", he whispered,"It can't be." he took the letter and unfolded it to read.

My dearest friends,

William Sherlock Scott Holmes and John Hamish Watson, this is my goodbye, the final one. I'm sorry I can't say all this to you in person, but I don't want and I can't see you two so sad.
You were the most important people in my life, you gave me so much joy and I'm thankful for every second I was allowed to spent with you two.
Every time one of you smiled I had to smile too.
You were the best friends someone could possibly have.

But if you fall apart, sometimes there is nothing that can safe you. Not even the best people in the world, can make you love a stranger. That stranger is myself. I feel like I'm just an empty case with the wrong person living inside and I don't like that person. I hate her.

She tells me every single day that I'm not good enough, that I am annoying, that all my friends secretly hate me, that I'm worthless and a lot more. She makes me overthink everything and it's truly exhausting. I don't feel well with being myself anymore. I don't want to be myself anymore and I've tried to change myself, more than once, but you can't change a whole personality, a whole person. I was born like this and either I have to live with it or I die. I chose the second option, because I don't want to live a life where I'm not happy. I wouldn't live for myself anymore, but for others and I think I've done enough for others in my lifetime.

I'm so sorry that I did this to you. You don't deserve this, but you'll find someone new, someone better than me.

I truly love you with my whole heart, but this is my last goodbye.

Y/N <3

John looked up to Sherlock. They were both reading the letter and John had started to cry. "What do we do now?" he asked the Consulting Detective. He stayed in silence. "Sherlock, what do we-" "Why do you think, I know?", he said upset,"I don't know everything, John, I'm not omniscient!" John took a step back. "I'm sorry." he mumbled.

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