Gotta Be You [Complete]

Chapter 20

I felt bad but I was just incredibly confused.

And now, here I am, laying in bed beside Harry, thinking about Niall.

I was drained from today and from my thoughts and a few seconds later, sleep overcame me and rid me of those thoughts.

**

It’s been three weeks since I woke up from my coma and nothing has happened between me and Niall. He’s always busy even though the other boys are always hanging out.

He says he’s hanging out with his other friends and his family. But I can’t help but think that he’s trying to avoid me.

I felt guilty but I didn’t know what else to do. I’m trying to blame others for how I’m feeling right now but I know I can’t blame anyone else but myself.

Harry has been busy the last few days with the rest of the boys and he would sometimes come home late after I’ve fallen asleep. I was starting to feel unhappy.

I would wake up in the morning feeling sad. I would feel unusually lonely. How could I feel like that with my boyfriend laying on the bed beside me. And then I would remember what happened that night with Niall and I was overwhelmed with emotions.

I didn’t want it to affect me. I needed a distraction. I needed something to keep my mind off of it. And right now there was only one thing that could accomplish that right now. I know that it won’t help my situation but there was nothing else I could think of. 

So, before sadness could overcome me, I moved over to Harry and nudged him lightly. He wouldn’t wake up so I nudged him a little harder. He still wouldn’t wake up. Then, I placed my lips on his and started kissing him. I felt him stir from under me as I started kissing him more passionately. I moved on top of him so that I was straddling his waist.

This was my only escape right now. Harry. I didn’t want to feel lonely.

I started moving my hands down his bare chest as I felt his hands rub my back.

Niall.

No! I can’t think about Niall right now!

I kissed Harry even more passionately as I started slowly grinding him. I heard him moan as he moved his hands from my back to my thighs. I was waiting for the right time when I started moving my hands down to his boxer briefs. I started rubbing his hips first but then I started to pull down the briefs.

Then suddenly, I felt his hands leave my thighs and grab my wrists.

This was what I was worried about. I knew that he might stop me but I didn’t want him to.

“Why are you stopping, Harry?” I asked, a hint of anger in my voice.

“I told you, you’re not stro--“

“Stop it! It’s been three weeks! I’m okay now.” I stared at him but he said nothing. 

“Why won’t you make love to me?” I asked nervously.

He didn’t answer me, he just continued to stare at me. I got up from him and stood up. “And don’t say that I’m not strong enough. The doctor said that I’m okay now, I can handle, I asked him. So why won’t you?”

He slowly sat up on the side of the bed and looked down.

“Are you not…sexually attracted to me anymore?” I asked. I waited for him to respond but he just stayed motionless as he stared at the ground. With each passing second of silence, I felt sadness. He didn’t find me attractive anymore. This just added to my feeling of loneliness right now and I couldn’t handle it. I turned around and headed for the door. I reached the doorknob and was about to open it when I felt Harry grab wrist and spin me around. 

He pushed me roughly against the wall as he gave me a rough kiss. He pressed his body against mine as his hands roamed all over my body.

“Of course I still find you attractive,” he said, his morning voice still present, “I just didn’t want to hurt you.”

“You will never hurt me.”

He continued to stare into my eyes, pure lust present in them. And a few seconds of passionate looks in both of our eyes, he returned his lips to mine and kissed me with more passion that I’ve ever felt before.

He cupped the back of my legs and lifted me up, pushing me against the wall with his body.

I wrapped my legs around his waist as I knotted my fingers in his messy hair. I rested my arms on his shoulders as I started to lift myself up and down on his body, electricity running throughout my whole body. 

He moved slightly away from the wall as he moved his hands down to the bottom of my nightgown and trailed it up my body and pulled it over my head so I was in nothing by my lace panties. He put me against the wall again, feeling his excitement in his boxer briefs. 

He walked backwards, away from the wall and towards the bed. He fell back onto the bed, me still latched around his waist. We moved to the top of the bed as he lay down with me straddling his waist once again. This time, I wasn’t hesitant in pulling down his boxer briefs and throwing it on the floor beside us. 

Then he rolled us over so I was under him now. He kissed me on my jawbone now, down my neck and to my chest. I felt his felt trail down the side of my body, down to my underwear until he finally pulled them off. 

He layed down completely on top of me. The skin-to-skin contact almost pushing me over the edge already. I traced his back with the tip of my fingers lightly, feeling him shiver under my touch. He returned his lips to mine as the passion grew more and more.

There was only me and Harry right now. Nothing on my mind except being connected to Harry in every way possible.

I guess I was finally able to admit that I needed Harry. With everything that was happening right now, Harry was the only one who would help me right now. I loved him and that’s all that matters. I’m not using him to make me forget about my worries. I need something in my life that makes me feel safe and connected to the world. And Harry is that someone. 

We continued to kiss and touch and hold each other as we finally connected in a way that made me feel loved and wanted and happy.

I was myself again.

**

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