butterflies. | Ashtray X Fem

11.| forgiveness.

11.| forgiveness.

word count:931.

i knew what i had to do. i got off the steps not saying anything to hayden and went back to the room. i grabbed my phone and quickly called fez.

(once again fez is in bold, and caye is in italic.)

"hey."

"yo kid."

"im so sorry fez, seriously. ill be back at the house soon i promise. but how's ash?"

" to be honest kid, he hasn't left his room since we got home last night."

" fuck.. thank you. ill be there soon."

"good kid. stay safe alright?"

"of course."
i hang up and go to the bathroom taking off the hoodie and just getting back into the heels and dress from yesterday, i didn't want ash to know where i was or what i was doing. i got out the bathroom from changing and rinsing my mouth with mouthwash and hayden had been sitting on the bed.

" going already?" hayden looked at me clearly hurt.

"im so fucking sorry." why is everyone making me feel like shit! gosh im so sick of this feeling.

"yo. you love him. but just remember. when he does some shit. like.. im in love with you. so ill be here waiting with probably a few hoes in my bed. but i love you." hayden got up and hugged me.

" your gonna be okay." i hug back and rush out the house. ash and fez's house was probably a 25 minute walk so i had to hurry the fuck up.

*time jump to her arriving at the house because what the fuck.. that'll be a long walk to describe*

i got to the door and sighed knocking on it and fez came to it immediately.

"hey kiddo." fez hugged me and i hugged back feeling so relieved. man this guy has always been here how can i pay him back.

"i  fucked up fez." i began crying. WHY?!!!

"ash isn't so forgiving but whatever y'all got going on, goddamn there's definitely an impact.. so.. maybe you'll have a different effect." fez sounded so reassuring that i believed him. i walked off down the hall towards ash's room. i was terrified but fuck it. i knocked on ash's door.

"yo?" ashtray raised his voice from the inside and i walked in. when i did he looked over and he seemed stunned. he just looked back at his phone right after.

"ashtray." i sighed walking over to his bed. i sat down at the edge while he was at the top. my back was faced away from him because honestly i get nervous looking at him.

"im so sorry ash. seriously. what i did. with nate. then with  that girl. i don't know if you liked her or she was a friend but im sorry i fucked up. i know. and your not going to forgive me but god there's so much shit going on right now. and i-im so lost in life ashtray. i always fuck up. no one sticks around anymore." i began crying lightly. not too hard but you could hear it in my voice. ashtray still didn't respond.

"im sorry." i looked back at him now. he looked me in my eyes. he seemed numb.

"okay." he shrugged.

"okay?" i questioned. fuck.. i lost him too.

" what the fuck do you expect caye? you act out. beat a girls ass after slutting it out with her man. then run off and don't come back till the next morning. that's unbelievable." ashtray shrugged it off staring at his phone.

"why do you act like? like you fucking didn't jeopardize my life. you gave me this pep- talk about how you feel guilty for killing mouse then fucking slaughter my parents. take me out to a party act like your gonna slut me out but don't and eye all these bitches down.. then get mad when a guy shows interest in me so i show it back?! we aren't anything but fucking drug dealers. partners bro. stop acting like you fucked me and now claim me because you didn't that never happened! im nothing to you!" i yelled getting fed up.

" how the fuck are you going to tell me what you are to me and aren't? are you living in my fucking head? if i didn't fucking care about you. if you were nothing to me. i wouldn't have fucking killed anyone period. i could've left you with those son of a bitches and let them motherfuckers rape you and shit. but i care. i care about who jeopardizes your life. so be fucking thankful that it was me because if i did jeopardize your life i did it so you could be fucking better!" ashtray began yelling back at me. i sat there to stunned to speak. he was right. he just wanted to protect me now since i know that i used that against him like the bitch i am.

"okay. im sorry. your right." i nodded gulping.

"caye. just- just forget it okay? i need space and time. so if there's anything else i should know. since we're just partners right? if there's anything that can fuck up business tell me." ashtray looked dead in my eyes. we're just partners so no romance. so therefore there's no affection involved?.. therefore. no there isn't anything he has to know. i have nothing to be sorry for.

"no. i forgive you. do i have the same back?" i ask.

"yea.yea.were good." ashtray nods. something was off. well thats that.

A/N: okay but.. TEA. ily. xoxo- j.