Wolfstar Oneshots

bad days

Sirius was home alone, Remus was still at work which was unlikely for him, he usually comes home around 8, and it was already almost 9.

He didn't like to be alone, never did. It always brings out memories that were long forgotten, but being alone in the dark just reminded him of his childhood.

Sirius went to therapy once every two weeks, and it helped. First it was twice a week, then once, and now it's once in two weeks. He had been diagnosed with PTSD, and his therapist thought that a diagnosis and medication would help him, and for some time it did. At least he knew what all of this was.

Sirius had been doing better for a couple of months after getting his meds. But lately, he's been having more bad days and close to no energy to do anything. Sirius took some time off work as he couldn't bring himself to get up from bed most days.

Remus tried to get off from work, so he could be at home with Sirius, but his boss wouldn't let him. He was constantly worried, but tried not to show it to Sirius because he would start feeling guilty and not tell Remus what was in his mind.

Sirius had been trying to distract himself the whole day, from glancing at the clock and around the empty and quiet house all the time. It worked for some time, he watched some TV, but after a while he couldn't come up with anything that would work as a distraction any more. He was curled up in a ball on their sofa, he was wearing one of remus' jumpers because it made him feel safe when he wasn't there.

Whenever Sirius was alone, which he hated, his mind always wondered to what if something had happened or maybe Remus just finally got enough of him and just left without a word. No, that couldn't be happening, right? Sirius tried to reason with himself. 'Remus wouldn't do that, he would leave me alone just like that.'

What if something had happened to him, and he wouldn't know until the morning, or maybe Remus was hurt and Sirius wasn't there, and maybe he was all alone somewhere Dark and where no one knew he was. 'Remus is careful, he wouldn't let anything happen to him.' Sirius thought.

He was just at work, perhaps there had been an issue that he had to be left dealing with. His workplace wasn't far away from their home, and Sirius could easily take the train and check if everything was ok. But he couldn't bring himself up from the couch.

A tear slipped from Sirius' eye as he thought. Then another. He wanted Remus, needed him. He didn't know how to calm himself down, or he did, but it was never as effective as when Remus was there to soothe him. Soon he started to sob and curled more up into a ball.

He listened to the sound of cars going down their street, occasional birds and some people walking their dogs or just walking. Every time a car went by, Sirius glanced at the clock, which was getting closer to 10. Maybe remus had taken a ride with his co-workers and just was late, for no reason. But what if he had taken a ride with his co-worker and something had happened.

Sirius couldn't help but feel the so familiar but at the same time unfamiliar feeling in his chest. It was tightening and he couldn't breathe. He just now noticed how dark it was in their small living room, he was never fond of dark, really. It reminded him of all the nights and days spent alone locked up in his bedroom when he was younger. The quietness of the House also reminded him of that time.

It was always quiet before the next hit or slur and hateful actions towards him. There was always the split second when he thought nothing was going to happen, but it always did. The only thing filling the quiet house was Sirius' painful sobs and cries.

He was lost in his thoughts, lost in all the anxiety and fears and just everything in his head that felt so messy, but so familiar and organized. It was messy and Sirius knew all too well that these thoughts weren't good, but he just needed Remus.