Haven's Winter (#Wattys 2015)

Chapter Twenty: Intuition

"Snow," Noah says slowly after I don't say anything, alarm creeping in his voice. "Is everything okay? Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I hurry, not wanting to concern him, "Yeah, I'm fine."

He exhales a breath of relief and I suddenly feel like a little brat, whining about something I don't feel happy with. I need to get over this. As wrong as it seems, I need to let this go.

"You know what? Never mind. Take care. Bye," I say with fake enthusiasm. I hang up before he can say anything back and cringe at my own words. Take care? Really?

I sigh and plop back on my bed. I put my face in my hands and exhale a frustrated breath. Not a minute later, my phone rings.

I hesitate for a second before sheepishly answering it, knowing it's Noah.

"Hello," I say, cringing when my voice cracks.

Noah sighs, "Snow, what is going on? Are you okay?"

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have called. It's just-" I pause, not wanting him to realize how selfish I am.

"It's just what, Snow?" He says gently.

I sigh, willing the tears back. "I was worried. I was thinking about tonight and what could happen and I just. . . I don't know. I guess I just freaked out when I thought something would happen to you."

There's a pause for a second, before his voice is gentle. "You have nothing to be worried about, okay? Nothing will happen to me. I've been doing for years. I've played since we met a couple of times, and I've never told you. And nothing happened." He sighs, "What you don't know can't hurt you. I knew I shouldn't have said anything."

I silently groan. Great, now he feels like it's his fault.

Nice one, Haven.

"No, no. I get it, but that doesn't mean I'm okay with it. Just, let me process this, okay? I just need time to figure out my emotions, because right now, they're all over the place."

There's a long pause and then Noah says, his voice deeper and slightly alarmed. "Snow," He says cautiously, "What are you saying?"

My eyebrows furrow and then I slightly gasp when I realize what it sounded like. I hurry, "No, that's not what I meant! I don't want to break up or anything. I just mean I need to learn how to accept this. This fear," I say the last word quietly, as if just figuring it out myself.

But, I am scared. Of losing him.

I'm not sure I could take losing another person I love. I'm not sure I could take losing him.

Call me paranoid, if you will. But when you lose two people you love the most in one heartbeat, you don't really care if you're being rational or not. You're only afraid of the history repeating itself.

"Snow, I get it. I live with that fear, too. I'm scared of something happening to you. Every day. But that's the way it is. That's the downside of love." He says, his deep voice now gentle.

I smile. I'll take that as a declaration of love.

"I love you, too." I say, butterflies erupting in my stomach as I hear the slightest gasp trough the phone.

He's not used to this, just like me. And I'm happy that my words affect him like his affect me.

"And I'm one lucky bastard," He says.

I laugh, felling slightly better. Then, I sigh. "Okay, I have to go now. Oscar just drank a whole bowl of water and let's just say that he is not a fan of my carpet. I gotta get him to the little doggie's room. Also known as outside."

He laughs and I hear a door close on the other line. "Okay. I'll see you tomorrow. I'll text you when I win tonight, in case you're sleeping," He briefly pauses before adding, "I love you."

My heart smiles and squeezes in my chest. "I love you, too."

I hang up. Or he does. I don't know. And it doesn't matter. I just know that we're not talking anymore. I bring my phone to my chest and look up at the ceiling.

This phone call made me feel a little better, but the feeling just won't go away. As much as I try to pretend it's not there, it is. I feel it with every cell in my body. I shake my head, praying that'll make the feeling change. Nope, it's still there, If not stronger than before.

The feeling that something will go horribly wrong.

I can't really name it. It's close to worry, but it's not that. I mean, I am worried, but this isn't that particular feeling. I've felt this before, and that scares me even more.

Because it never ended well.

---

I'm woken up by a buzzing sound.

I realize it's my phone receiving a text. It's right next to my head, or it wouldn't have been loud enough to wake me up.

The light on my phone catches me off guard and I squint against it, seeing that it's three o'clock in the morning.

Opening the text, I see it's from Noah. The feeling from before multiplies as I open it.

Noah: I just won! See? Told you there was nothing to worry about. Hope this didn't wake you. If it did, stop worrying and go back to bed.

I sigh in relief and drop my head back to my pillow. He did it. He won.

I put my phone on the night table and fall asleep, relieved but confused.

Why is the feeling not going away?

----

So? *wiggles my eyebrows*

Haha, if you like it, please vote, because I really want to update another chapter ASAP, 'cause let's be honest, this one kinda sucks. . .

Aaaaaanyways, tell me what you think and thanks for reading. You're a peach!

And btw, do you think I should change the book cover? Any ideas?

Thank you,

Love, muah. ❤