REIGN (A REVERSE HAREM)

96. Arabella

We do a scan.

He tells me i'm having triplets.

I cry.

I can't have triplets when i'm feeling the way i do. I can't even have one baby. Hell, i can hardly look after myself.

"We... I can give you the medication now to rid of them here. We can pretend this never happened. It's early on so you'll not even feel it."

"Give us a moment please." Mom says and he walks out of the room.

She rubs my arm, "I think it's time you take up Hamada on his offer." She says quietly, "You need to get better, Arabella. Regardless on if you want to keep the kids or not-"

"I want them." I want my own babies. I want company. I want someone to hopefully make me feel better.

"Then we can keep them, Arabella. But you know you can't even think about them until you have thought about getting yourself better. If you don't want to take Hamadas offer, i can call in for a mental health hospital."

Mom only found out about how i was feeling today. About how i look in the mirror and cry, how i want to die every time someone touches me without telling me first. Or even about the smallest mishaps. I'm not happy. I'm at the lowest i've ever been and i can't tell the guys, i can't seem to find the words.

I need a break.

I know if i go into hospital the guys will visit.

And i love them so much i can't let them keep seeing me detoriate. I can't keep sneaking off to cry, or wishing i fucking died rather than have to live with everything. I can't do that.

I don't want to be medicated. I want to be me again. I want to do it on my own.

"I'll call Hamada."

"You were suicidal?" Luca's eyes gloss with tears.

"I guess you could say that, yeah." I clear my throat. "And... i didn't tell you guys because i knew you would make me stay. You can say you wouldn't, but you would. I called Hamada and we talked over a load of things, Keilani got involved and mom too."

"Arabella, forgive me, but the fact you were carrying our children changes this." Roman chokes on his words. "Their ours too."

"I admit, i should have at least told you guys but i figured the pain would be less for you if you didn't know i was carrying them. Hell, i didn't know if i was going to change my mind once i landed in London as well."

"But you didn't." Roman rubs his eyes.

"No, Roman. I didn't. And i am sorry for not telling you guys, that was the only selfish thing i did. Not tell you guys about the kids, but it wouldn't have changed anything. I was still going to go, okay. Hamada said i can go on my own, without you knowing. Or he'll put out a warrant for your arrests and let me go then. I chose the first option."

"How did Asher know?" Luca wipes his cheeks.

"I told him." I know why he isn't here as well.

Asher thinks i'll only be better if i don't have them in my life, so he doesn't want to be in my life. He'd rather be miserable if it meant i was okay. He said some pretty harsh stuff to me on the phone, told me he hated me, he'd never want to see me again if i left, that i'm not the only one who's been different since we all met. He was drunk, yeah, but his words still hurt me. I told him i loved him, he told me to die. I never spoke to him after that. That's why he's not here as well, he doesn't want to confront what he said.