Keep your head up

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It happened a few years ago, long before they started dating, back then when they were way younger. They were reckless young adults who thinks that they have to be perfect at everything they did. As if the world would end by the time they messed up something.

It was one of Pol's first missions, during the early years of his employment.

He was assigned to guard Kim who was still a college student at that time, a young adult who thinks he knows everything—he does know something, though, but still.

He hadn't quite grasp how dangerous the world outside the house for him, yet.

"Just leave me, I'll be okay. Pa is exaggerating." He waved Pol off as he get out of the car.

Oh, the boy. How Pol wish he could hit his head.

Kim, at that time, is already a rebellious boy who didn't listen when he was told to stay low, for his own safety. He opened a Youtube channel, and look, this boy even agreed to be a guest star for a music festival.

Everything happened so fast. For a moment, Pol is watching Kim walking back to the car after finishing his show. The next moment, he was running to the boy's side as he noticed a dot of infrared on the boy's forehead.

There's a sniper.

Pol managed to pull him to the side, but failed to completely dodge the bullet.

They hit Kim's arm.

The boy's okay, just a little bit shaken. But of course, Pol didn't get off it easy. Chan scolded him violently for not paying enough attention and act quicker.

"In this field of work, time defined everything. Every second counts, and you failed!" Chan slammed his hand on the desk that separates them, "Don't think I would be lenient on you just because you're a newbie."

Chan ended his long scolding session by telling him to practice harder. Pol left the room with a weary gait.

Instead of walking to his room, Pol found himself walking to the shooting range. He found that it was empty.

Of course it is. Who would go there at 9 in the evening?

Well, he would.

He put on the earmuff, and take a gun from the table. Then he gets in position and shoot. Once, twice, thrice—

When suddenly there's something warm pressed to his cheek.

Pol let out a surprised yelp and turn around to find Arm smiling beside him, a cup on each of his hand.

The next minute, he found himself sitting side by side with Arm on a metal bench, holding a cup of hot chocolate in his hands.

"What are you doing?" Pol asks the question first.

"Shouldn't I be the one who's asking?" Arm chuckled, "I'm on patrolling duty, and somehow I found a delinquent out of his room."

"Who do you called a delinquent?!" Pol glares at him, and Arm quickly put a finger on his lips.

"Do you want to get caught? Lower your voice!" Arm half-whispered.

Pol takes a sip of his hot chocolate.

It tastes just right. Not too light, not too thick. Not too bitter, but not too sweet either. Just right.

It's the only thing that goes right today.

"You just got scolded, huh?" Arm teased, and Pol rolled his eyes.

"Your face says it all." Arm chuckled afterwards.

Maybe it's the way Arm carrying himself, maybe it's the hot chocolate, maybe it's the atmosphere, or maybe it's just something about night time that makes words glides easily from his tongue.

He tells Arm about everything. About the music festival, about how he noticed the red dot but acted out too slow, about how Kim stays silent during the road home, about how Chan scolded him.

"I... I just want to quit already." Pol let out a bitter laugh, "Such a coward, right? I'm not even here for a year yet, and maybe there's so much more failure waiting for me in the upcoming years."

"Maybe I'm just not suited for this field of work, maybe I shouldn't be here. I'm..." he sighs heavily, "I failed, Arm. I dissappointed P'Chan. He shouted at me in anger, but somehow I understand that... He was just disappointed."

"To think that I would face more failure in the future, it scares me. I mean, I was being assigned to guard someone's life. Today it was Khun Kim's arm, how about next time? It could be his stomach, his chest, or," Pol gulped, "or his head."

"I just want to quit already." Pol buried his face on his palm, and he felt a hand squeezing his shoulder.

"You can quit." Arm says.

Pol turned his head to him.

"You can always choose to quit." Arm's eyes gazing at him, "But then you'd never had the chance to prove yourself."

"If you quit now, you'd never know what's waiting for you in the future here." Somehow, Arm's grasp feels so reassuring to him.

Pol returned his stare to the pair of shoes that he's wearing.

"But if you give yourself another chance, you can improve your skills. Maybe there's so many good things waiting for you here," Arm gasp to himself, "wait, it sounds manipulative."

Pol found himself chuckling at the not-so-funny joke.

"I mean, you know. Failing is a part of living, you won't know how the joy of succeeding if you never fails." Arm continued, "You should give yourself a second chance, to fix your mistake, to get better. You should learn to forgive yourself."

Pol finally finds the courage to stare back at the man beside him.

"It's okay to fail, you know." Arm smiled wider.

"Keep your head up, you're doing great by holding on this far. Give yourself some credits." Arm pat his back gently.

"But, still, it's up to you. I can't force you to stay if you don't want to." His shoulder was squeezed once more, "I'll be back patrolling. I'll do something with the CCTV footage, don't worry. But you better go back to your room before P'Chan caught you sneaking out."

Arm takes out a flashlight from his pocket and walk out of the shooting range, but not before clenching his fist in front of his chest and whispered a soft "Cheer up!" To him.

And now, Pol is left alone, like how he was before Arm interrupted him. Only his heart feels lighter, like a weight on it has been lifted up.

And he found a reason to stay, if not to find out what's waiting here for him in the future.

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