Like a drug | A Johnny Depp Fanfiction [Complete]

11. Between two walls.

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Chapter 11
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"Someday. I swear. I will tie you up so that you will not be able to talk to anyone ever again. I am so disappointed. You are a disappointment. You should burn. And suffer."

"You look so disgusting with this hair. It looks like you just crawled out of a mud hole you slut."

"You know that I love you. And because I love you. You need to listen. You need to do what I tell you. Otherwise I will not love you anymore."

I opened my eyes. I felt like I took a pill.
"Sadie?" I flinched and turned around. Johnny was sitting on the bed.
"Are you awake?"
I slowly sat up and ran through my face. It was wet.
"It's alright."
I looked at Johnny and sighed.
"Did you had a bad dream?"
I started nodding and he placed a hand on my back. Now I felt that my back was also wet. I must've sweated a lot.
"I'll get you a water."

I looked out of the window. The sun was already up. I thought that it was in the middle of the night as I first opened up my eyes.
"Here. Drink this." I heard and took the glass Johnny gave me. I took a few sips.
"Thank you."
"Do you want to talk about your dream?" He sat down on the bed and took my glass.
"I-. It's alright. It was not that bad. I'm fine." I told him and he tilted his head.
"I don't believe you. I don't wake up and look like I just had a shower after a bad dream. I have that when I am scared of something. In dreams. Then I wake up and sweated. So you must had a pretty bad dream." Johnny said and I just nodded. I felt how my eyes teared up a bit and then I broke down. I bend forward and his my face inside my palms.

"It's okay." I felt his arm over my back.
"It was just a dream." He was just there. Hugging me. But it calmed me down. Very much.

I took a deep breath and looked up to him. His hand was still on my shoulder and he gave me a smile.
"Thank you." I told him.
"For what?"
"The hug." He just shook his head and smiled.
"Are you okay?"
"I guess."
"Okay. Then go and take a shower."
I nodded and he gave me towels and a shirt from him.

"Hey." I walked out on the terrace and Johnny looked at me. He gave me a smile and moved a bit, so that there was enough space for two people to sit down.
"Do you feel a bit better?"
I nodded as I sat down next to him.
"Was it because of yesterday, that you had these bad dreams?" He asked me.
"I don't know." I sighed.
"Maybe it was a bit too fast. How-. How are you doing that? You went through the same shit as I did."
"I have panic attacks. But I have trust in you. And when I am with you I don't have panic attacks. I don't know why." He told me.
"But it's okay to have them you know? You just need to know what makes you feel good. So that you don't have that many. Do you know what is good for you, so that you probably have less bad dreams and less panic attacks?" He asked and I looked at him.

I knew exactly what was good for me. Staying away from anything that could trigger those. But I can't.

"At the moment I don't. I am between two walls who are getting closer and closer. Look. Imagine, you are one of the walls. And the other wall is my trauma. And both are coming closer at the same time."
Johnny nodded.
"What do you do when there is no space left." He asked me.
"I try to push them away." I told him.
"And for that, you need to lean your back on one wall. Now, I have an honest question. Do you want to use the other wall the push me away. Or do you want to use me as a wall to push the other wall away?"

I needed to think about that.
"Even if I would push you away, there would be space to come back to you. No matter which wall is closer, the other wall will use the space. So it doesn't matter." I told him.
"My question is if you want me to help you."
"I-. Johnny you have your own problems."
"I'm not talking about my problems. I can deal with them. I am asking you, if you want my help. If you need help."
I felt my eyes tearing up.
"Yeah. I probably need your help." I sobbed and Johnny hugged me.
"I will help you okay? I will show you that there is nothing to worry about anymore. There is no reason to be scared anymore." Johnny gently moved his hand over my arm. It was calming.
"We are starting at zero okay? The kiss was maybe too much." He told me and I shook my head.
"It wasn't too much Johnny. It's not even the intimate things. It's when it will be in a longer term. And I am scared that people will change, just like my ex did."
"I promise you with the rest of my middlefinger. I will never hurt you." He told he and showed me his finger. I held it in my hand and hugged him.
"I wont hurt you either." I told him and I heard, theough his breath that he was smiling.
"Thank you."

"Thank you for having me Johnny." I told him.
"Not for that. Just call me and I'm on my way okay?" He told he and I gave him a big hug.
"But I am not home in the next week. So we probably see each other in two weeks the next time." Johnny told me.
"It's okay. Have fun with what you're doing." I told him and looked at him.
"I will. And I call you as soon as I am home."
I nodded and he just smiled at me.
"Yesterday was nice."
"Yeah it was. I-. I fell for you." Johnny chuckled and I digged my face into his chest.
"Me too." I whispered but felt his fingers on my chin. He slowly lifted it up and smiled at me.
"Text me when you're home alright?" He asked and I nodded.
"I will." Our faces got closer. But I turned my head for a reason I didn't knew. He kissed my cheek.
"I see you." He said and I nodded.

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Thanks for reading! And here is the reminder that English is not my native language (:

A kiss that was denied. It hurt me to write that hahaha