pending ✓

sixty-one, again

harry

"Where have you been, this entire time?" Draco asked me.

"Mental hospital." I whispered, ashamed.

"That's what Ryan meant by attempting again. Oh god, I was so focussed on finding you I didn't even realise."

Another tear fell but I wiped it away as fast as I could, and Draco frowned.

"I was stuck there for two months."

"Did you have your phone in there?"

I nodded.

"Why didn't you tell anyone? We were worried sick."

I felt worse.

"I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't feel like it. I just played Sparks constantly. It made me so depressed that I realised I wasn't showing any sign of getting better, and getting out." I sighed. "So I pretended to be alright again. I was manic half the time I was there, so I don't remember it much."

"I see."

"And when I got let out, I kinda just went everywhere. I started running a lot, because why not." I laughed. "And then I almost fainted in the middle of nowhere, and some nice old couple called me a taxi and I went to Ryan's. I couldn't go back to the Dursleys most of the time. Not after I almost killed Petunia.

Every time she looked at me, she no longer saw her freak nephew. She saw the man who almost ended her life and refused to save her. She's actually genuinely scared of me.

Even Vernon seems a bit afraid. Not so afraid that he won't lay a hand on me, but still. I could've been a murderer. So I just kept drinking, and running. Running is so peaceful. Because when you run, you feel your thoughts chasing you, but when you stop? You won the race.

And the thoughts are gone. It's like a temporary fix, a solution to my inability to not think. I love it. It's the healthiest coping mechanism I've found so far.

The past month, I've literally just ran and drank. And mostly, I've stayed with Ryan and Chelsea. When I feel guilty, I go home and provoke Vernon. Because I deserve it."

What an awfully explained explanation. I changed subject like eight times.