pending ✓

fifty-five

harry

Nights with Vernon got bad again, because my mental health was deteriorating again and he didn't like it. It was too freaky for him.

He was hitting me more often and I didn't have the energy to make myself act better in order for him to stop.

Etheria said I was in a depressive episode, due to the attachment issues and loss of Dragon. I told her about it, about how I poured my heart out to him and accidentally told him who I was.

I told her how afraid I was about him connecting raven to Harry and realise Saint Potter was actually fucked up.

She told me I was overthinking it, and she was sure dragon didn't agree. She told me to add him back. She told me to try. To hear him out, but I didn't. I couldn't.

She didn't get it.

I skipped a few therapy sessions after that.

I couldn't stop shutting people out.

So, in the middle of the night, I continued to seek refuge in my favourite pub.

Ryan was getting awfully worried at the fact that I was coming by so regularly. He was worried about me and so I had to shut him out too.

I went on nights when he wasn't working, and on bad days, when he was working, I ignored him. I went to different bartenders.

He was hurt. I didn't mean to, but I had to protect myself.

Etheria would tell me protecting myself is just hurting me and that I should give everyone more of a chance, but I wouldn't know, because I shut her out too.

I'd not gone to a therapy session for about two weeks, and we usually met up four times a week.

She probably thought I'd offed myself, and honestly I was thinking about it. But I didn't want to go back to a mental hospital. I didn't want to be called mental.

And I wouldn't be able to seek refuge in my coping mechanisms there.

Those coping mechanisms were getting more frequent and unhealthy.