Pain.
That's all that Isabella has experienced for the past 16 years. The pain of the abuse she faces from her boyfriend and step father. The pain of her loneliness at home. The pain of 'not being good enough'.
But she's learnt to tune it out. She's...
"Focus on the step in front of you, not the whole staircase"
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Once I'm confident that Vince has left, I get out of bed. The temptation to use my lighter is too strong to resist after the day I've had.
I pull open my drawer to fetch my silver lighter, the anticipation playing on my hands through the cool metal. I decide to go in the bathroom, so I speed walk over and lock the door behind me.
Even though they seemed to not hate me, I still feel bad about telling them and making them upset. I hate the feeling, I need some way to release it.
I sigh and sink down against the wall until I reach the floor, knees pointed upwards and lighter in hand. I drag my sweatpants down and over my knees, exposing my reddened thighs.
I flick the lighter a few times, awaiting the spark that eventually turns into a flame. I bring the lighter downwards, barely grazing my upper thigh at first. My leg heats up quickly with the fire, barely felt with the numbed skin.
This time, I hold it closer to my burned flesh for longer. It extends the pain, making me feel it even more. A tear falls on my thigh, rolling down towards the red patch of skin slowly. It trickles closer and closer, so I pull the flame away. I put out the lighter and watch the drop run down my inner thigh. It replaces the spot the lighter just freshly burned, leaving a temporary feeling of relief in its path.
I retire the lighter for the evening, placing it on the cold floor next to me. I lean my head back until it hits the wall behind me, facing up towards the ceiling. I inhale a deep, shaky breath and push it back out slowly, a smile gracing my face. I let out a small, exasperated laugh, trying to process everything.
I don't want to use my sleeping pills tonight. I want to be able to sleep without them. I get up and open my bathroom cabinet to find the painkillers that Elijah supplied for me, which lie next to the sleeping pills. My hand flicks past them and towards the pain killers, opening them and taking one out.
I pop it into my mouth without water and let it slide down my dry throat. The pain hasn't been bad after Elijah fixed it, but this will help anyways. As it slides down I leave the bathroom and walk towards my bed.
Blaze
I've been tossing and turning for hours, unable to fall asleep. Usually when I sleep without them, I can fall asleep pretty quickly because I'm tired. But this time, I'm not tired enough to pass out, and if I did I would for sure have a nightmare. That's another issue with falling asleep without them, I'll end up having a nightmare.
In an annoyed state, I realise what I can do. I carefully pull back the covers and quietly sneak out of my room. I glance at the clock on the wall, revealing the time.
1:58am.
I sigh and glance at all the bedroom doors in the hallway, trying to see if any have light coming out from underneath them. One has a very dim light seeping out of the edges, Alessandro's room.
