Pain.
That's all that Isabella has experienced for the past 16 years. The pain of the abuse she faces from her boyfriend and step father. The pain of her loneliness at home. The pain of 'not being good enough'.
But she's learnt to tune it out. She's...
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After our insightful chat, I managed to convince my brothers that I was completely fine and that I didn't hold a grudge against them. It took a while, and they seemed suspicious but eventually they let it pass. After, I came straight up to my room, Vince said they would call me for dinner soon.
Right now, I'm sitting in bed, watching 'The Office', trying to keep my mind off my emotions.
I feel terrible. My family spent 14 years blaming themselves and were upset over me being taken away from them, and here I was, 14 years spent not knowing they existed. Or rather, who they were. Evan always seemed to be plotting against the infamous Lombardo family.
I wasn't having a good time with the Russians, but I still feel guilty about the fact that I had a family, and I didn't even make an effort to try and find them. When Rosina told me I didn't have my other family, I took her word and believed it, no questions asked.
The feelings became too much, so I made a rash decision. Because the door was still lockless, I went into my closet, not before fetching my lighter from my suitcase.
The floor is now completely covered in bags of clothes I need to unpack from shopping, adding to the overwhelming feeling rising in my mind.
I let out a sigh and close the door behind me, now making my way to the far corner of the closet. I take a seat and slip my pants down to my knees and take the lighter in my hand, ready to complete the routine that I'm far too familiar with.
I flick the lighter carefully and bring it to my inner thigh, letting the flame graze the reddened skin. The way the fire feels against my skin, slowly burning my flesh and bringing me pain. I deserve it. I've done nothing but cause problems, and now I learn that I've been hurting my brothers almost my entire life.
A small tear escapes my eye and cascades down my cheek. I feel numb, and angry. I know I need a better way to vent my feelings, and usually I can take it out on a target, in a race or in a fight, but I have no way of doing that with out my brothers finding out. I can't show them that I'm Blaze, I have trained and worked hard to make a name for myself, and if they make me give it up, I don't think I could handle that.
I sigh, satisfied with the amount of pain I've brought to myself. I pull my pants back up to my waist and do them up, before turning to look at the overwhelming mess of bagging everywhere.
A frustrated groan leaves my lips and I grab the roots of my hair and pull hard. The sting on my scalp only aggravates me more. This makes me try to move some bags around to clear some space, at least I can try to make it easier to unpack.
I hear a knock on my door and I panic, aware of my messy state. I quickly swipe under my eyes and clear any remains of tears and smudged mascara, and frantically brush through my hair with my fingers and pat it down to tame it.
