The Cate Blanchett Case {Cate Blanchett}

37~ The Wedding

A long time ago I would never have imagined myself where I am now. Married. With kids. Grandkids. Even a little puppy, little Rocco.

Standing here at my daughters wedding, tears in my eyes and a ragged handkerchief clutched tightly in my hand. Jasper was crying too, he was sat the my left, beside him his boyfriend Damien. It really was a beautiful ceremony. 

My precious little Edith, getting married. I bit my lip as I watched her repeat her vows, she looked so much like her mother. Bright blue eyes and blonde hair that I remembered combing through and pinning up into all sorts of intricate hairstyles Cate could never master.

Dashiell sat to my right, he was holding my shaking hand. He was married himself now, to a lovely woman named Ruby, they'd had twins together, my grandkids. I was a grandma of 6, Ignatius had a kid of his own and Roman had adopted three.

I had the perfect life. Cate had given me everything I could possibly want.

As Edith kissed her groom, a lovely man named Martin, we all stood and clapped. Tears flowed down my cheek as I remembered my wedding, like it was yesterday. Cate and I stood before each other, we were eloped in a small chapel. Together, like we'd always said. 

I sobbed, however, this time I didn't know why I was sobbing. Was it for this wedding? Or my own?

She would have loved to be here, it was all I could think about. She would have sat right next to me and sobbed until Edith had told her to stop embarrassing her, she would have clapped and cheered as her little girl became a married woman.

God.

"How are you holding up, mum?" Ignatius whispered from behind me, rubbing a hand over my shoulder and squeezing softly. I loved these kids, they were practically my own, she'd loved her kids too.

"I-I'm fine," I whispered, holding the handkerchief to my eyes and then my nose. 

I was fine, truly, it was just a difficult time. Memories came back and I was suddenly overwhelmed. It felt like yesterday I was sitting with Cate through the number of panic attacks she had, or when we'd lay in bed together and tell each other how much we loved each other, or the times when she took me to her movie premiers and made me feel like the luckiest woman in the world.

I well and truly was, I still am.

Edith met my eyes from the front of the church, her eyes softened and she blew me a kiss before nodding over to the door, letting me excuse myself. I blew her one back before hobbling over to the exit, god I was old now. 

The fresh air was nice on my face, it was a cool day, not ideal for a wedding but it was perfect for me. I inhaled deeply, it reminded me of the time with Cate in the park, how beautiful she'd looked. 

Deciding I'd be back for the afterparty I made my way over to my car, dropping Dash a quick message to let him known where I'd gone. 

The drive felt so familiar, I felt like I'd done this drive millions of times. Driven through the very same gate, past the very same graves and come to a stop at one in particular. 

Her headstone was the painting, it had cost a fortune but that painting was important to us both. It reminded me of us, of her eyes and how much we needed each other. "Hi, Cate," I whispered, sitting down on the damp grass and leaning against her headstone. 

There was a beautiful picture of her propped up on her grave, she'd looked so beautiful, without makeup, without worries, she was just free. It had been from a day at the beach, with all the kids, she'd sat there and just stared out into the ocean. 

"I know you said that I had to move on with life," I began, stopping as tears began to choke me up again, sighing I continued, "you are my life," 

I ran my fingers over the beautiful white lilies Roman had placed a while ago. They were wilting, I'd have to get her some more. "Edith got married today, you would have loved the wedding, it was so beautiful. I've just come from there now, all your family are there," 

The wind blew my hair softly, it had been thinning and turning a greyish colour, it didn't bother me I'd always thought ageing was a beautiful part of life. I'd told Cate the exact same when she'd noticed a few greys in her hair.

"I-It's been 3 years, I don't want to move on from you Cate. I never stop thinking about you, you are everything important to me, everything that matters." I told her, and for a second I thought I heard her sigh. The wind carried it and wrapped me in it, fuck, I missed her. 

3 whole years. 

"I'll carry on though, carry on existing, because I can't live without you," 

Tears clouded my vision and I bit my lip to try and stop a sob that so desperately wanted to escape my lips.

"I miss you, I miss the way you'd laugh at the silly things I'd say or when you'd look at me like I was the most important thing in your life. Or when we'd sit together and just lay in each others arms, in those moments it felt like we really were going to be together forever, but you've left me, you've left me here alone. I need you, Cate, I need you so desperately I can't breathe."

"I love you, Cate. I always will, you're in my heart and you'll never leave it, not even when I'm here in the ground next to you. One day I'll look you in the eyes again and kiss you and never leave your arms. One day we'll be together again and there will be an end to this open case,"

One day it really will be forever with you and I look forward to that day.

Sitting at her grave now, I thought back, to the very start of it all. How my life had changed so drastically, how my intentions had grew into ones of love and happiness. 

How this Cate Blanchett case really was mine, I was part of it the entire time. 

She was part of me this entire time.