The Cate Blanchett Case {Cate Blanchett}

22~The Floor

TW: Panic attack

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I couldn't decide whether my phone ringing was a good thing or a bad thing, it did in fact stop Cate talking about what happened next. I had no idea what happened next, I doubt Cate would either. 

However, upon realising that it was my mother calling me my previous gratitude for the interruption was revoked. Why couldn't she just leave me alone?

I moved to stand up, Cate's arms lessened their grip so I could get up. I could feel her eyes on me as I walked over to the bathroom door, guilt enveloped me before I could leave. I turned back around to give her a weak but warm smile, "I need to take this, just give me a second,"

I immediately wished I hadn't turned around, she looked so upset and I guess she had every right to be, what had happened wasn't exactly something you could get over. But I'm pretty sure I could see relief in those ocean-like depths, hopefully the fact that the story wouldn't go anywhere would help her heal.

"What is it this time?" I hissed into the phone, slowly shutting the bathroom door behind me waiting until it clicked shut before walking bare foot over to the spare room I stayed in.

My mother scoffed and paused as if for dramatic effect. "I don't even know why I bother, I am trying to set you up with the son of one of the most successful companies I've ever seen, apart from mine of course," 

Holy hell, how could I have forgotten? The dinner! Jack and his dad Robert Davies, I probably purposefully forgot so I wouldn't have to go through the pain of waiting until my mother tries to play matchmaker with her stupid snobby friends.

"Hello? Thalia pretending to be a fool won't excuse you from this dinner," her tone darkened as she sensed my obvious reluctance to even show up tonight, "tonight, you will show up at Warwick's, you will smile, you will flirt and you will most certainly not act like a complete buffoon," 

I hated that tone of voice, when she knew there was even a slight possibility I'd mess up her plans. She only used that tone of voice when she realised that she was losing control of something or in this case something.

"If you don't show up, Thalia, I will personally see to it that your little Saturday job crumbles at your very feet," she hissed, like a poisonous snake, she might as well be one.

Before I could even breathe the call ended and I was left in silence. I was furious, I hated her so much, she never tried to understand me ever. She never considered my feelings.

Fuming I launched my phone onto the bed and let out a rage induced scream, forgetting completely that I was in Cate's house and I couldn't have a breakdown.

I sat on the floor, crossing my legs and putting my head in my hands. My head was racing with thoughts, everything seemed to be happening all at once. I couldn't do this, I'd made too many mistakes and now look where I was.

I was so deep in thought I didn't realise Cate stumble into the room in a panic much like the frenzy she'd been in last night when I was ill. I did hear her voice though, it was the only thing that could breach the thick cocoon of panic I'd wrapped myself in.

"Thalia, can I touch you?" Relief surged through me as those words left her mouth, nodding rapidly I sighed as I felt her encase me in her protective hold. 

My head was pressed into her neck, my hands trembling slightly as I gripped onto her jumpsuit. My breath was laboured, this hadn't happened in so long. I'd always been teetering on the edge of a complete meltdown so having this happen to me now wasn't much of a shock.

"You aren't alone, Thalia, I have you," Cate's mouth pressed against my ear, making sure I heard her every word, "focus on my voice, okay?" She sounded calm and that rubbed off on me, she rubbed my back and inhaled slowly a silent reminder for me to keep on breathing.

She readjusted our position so I was rested on her lap and my head was on her chest, my ear against her heart. I closed my eyes softly, still struggling to get a hold of myself, but I listened. Ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump. It was rhythmic and steady, in different circumstances this would have sent me straight to sleep.

Instead I found myself regain control, fixing whatever had snapped inside of me to send me into this whole panic. 

I remember when I had my first panic attack, my mum had just told me she'd be going on a business trip for a few weeks again. Back then I still hoped she would take time for me, it had been a silly hope. I remember breaking down right there in front of her, I was only 13, and I remember her exact words.

"Oh, for god's sake Thalia, don't be dramatic. Suck it up, you're a Greene woman and us Greene women don't have meltdowns,"

After that I'd stayed strong, I'd tried my best to stop and suppress those feelings so I'd never disappoint her. No matter what I did she would never spend time with me, she never once said she was proud of me.

"Cate," I said softly, a plan hatching in my mind. If I had to show up to this stupid dinner I couldn't go alone, just knowing she could be there to help me would do wonders. Right now, it felt like she was the only person who I could really trust.

She'd told me her story, now it was time to tell her mine.

"Yes, love," she replied, rubbing my back softly. 

I could still hear her heart, thumping gently. 

"I'm having dinner with my mother this evening and if you weren't doing anything today, would you like to join us?" I asked, scared that she'd say no and I'd have to face my mother alone. On one hand, I wasn't completely sure this was a good idea but I clearly didn't think it through.

"Are you sure, Thalia?" Cate asked me, I couldn't see her face so I couldn't tell how she really felt about it all. 

"Yes," I said after a moments hesitation, almost crossing my fingers in desperation. 

"If you want me there then I'll be there," Cate said to me softly, hugging me tightly.

This was the second time within 24 hours we'd ended up on the floor hugging each other.

I had a feeling it wouldn't be the last either.