His Touch

Chapter 55

My eyes are glued to Dominic's closed eyelids. His breaths are more controlled now as we've both been able to collect ourselves. My fingertips are gently stroking along his high cheekbone. I really like this beautiful dangerous man in front of me.

Dominic pulls me into his chest, one hand on the back of my head while the other wraps around my waist. "Stop looking at me like that." He grumbles playfully.

I flush, not having known he'd caught me staring. "Like what?" I ask him sheepishly, my words slightly muffled by his chest.

Dominic's chest rumbles with a chuckle. "Like you..." He trails off and I can feel him shaking his head. "Just don't look at me like that."

I'm left feeling confused by his words. How had I been looking at him? And why did he not want me looking at him in that way? I hadn't been aware I'd been giving him a certain look, all I know is I am very happy in this moment- or was until he confused me. "Ok." Is all I mumble in reply, not knowing what else to say. I move, pulling out of his hold, to get up and put my clothes back on.

Dominic stops me grabbing my hand and pulling me back towards him, I now stand between his legs as he sits at the edge of the bed. "Please don't be upset." He tells me.

"Why would I be upset?" I ask him honestly.

Dominic's thumb grazes across my bottom lip. "I see the way you look at me, Ell. And I am thrilled to have you in my life and that you might feel that way about me but I..." He shakes his head as if he's being ridiculous. 

"Hey, no, tell me." I tell him softly, my hand returning to graze over his cheek.

His green eyes bore into mine as he shakes his head and sighs. "I'm not sure I'm ready for that, I don't feel like I deserve that."

"Deserve what?" I ask, beyond confused now.

Dominic's eyebrows knit together, he looks confused now too. "You don't... you don't know?"

I shake my head quickly. "Know what?"

It's Dominic's turn to shake his head. "I can't be the one to tell you that. You need to realise it for yourself first." He tells me.

"No Dominic. Tell me." I say firmly, pulling away from his touch and folding my arms over my chest. "What are you not deserving of?" My voice is firm and steady, demonstrating how serious I am about getting a straight answer from him.

I can see the worry filling his eyes. His hands twitch in his lap like he wants to reach out to me but he restrains himself from doing so. "Your love." He whispers, almost so quiet I almost can't hear him. His eyes are now refusing to meet mine as he focuses on something on the hand in his lap.

My love? Why does he think I love him, because of the way I'd been looking at him? Do I love him? My heart flutters. How does one even know what love is? I've only felt love towards Max, I wouldn't know what love would feel like within a romantic relationship. I want to be deserving of love, but part of me isn't so sure I am so deserving. I grew up in a household where my father hated me, everything I did he hated, sometimes even felt like me breathing was something he hated. "I..." I shake my head at him, I can't tell him that I'm not sure if I love him or not because he'd surly laugh in my face for not knowing what love feels like in an intimate relationship. "Why would you think you're not deserving of love?" I ask him when the more serious question comes to my mind. 

"Because I'm not deserving of you." He tells me quietly. "You're pure and good and everything that is right in the world. And I fuck everything up, I ruin things, and I hurt people. I don't want you to end up like that." Dominic confesses to me.

"Oh Dominic." I whisper. I step forward and stand between his legs again. Both my hands grab onto his face and lift it to force him to look at me. "I don't... I don't know what love is, I don't know what or how I feel about you." I confess. "But what I do know, is that you are deserving of love. I believe everyone is deserving of love, it's just a matter of what they do with that love that really matters." I pause as my thumbs graze across his cheeks. "I believe that you wont hurt me, that you wont ruin me. I trust you, I have faith in you, that much I do know."

Dominic wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me against him in a tight hug. His lips find mine, greedily feasting away at them. "I want to be deserving of you." He tells me truthfully when we eventually pull out of the heated kiss.

"You are." I reassure him. "Dominic, you are."

Dominic pulls me onto his lap and hides his face in the crook of my neck. 

One of my hands strokes up and down his back while the other one rakes through his hair. "How about we get dressed and head back down stairs?" I suggest to Dominic.

He nods his head, staying where he is. "Ok." He mumbles.

I chuckled at him. "You'll have to let me go..."

"No." He mutters stubbornly, tightening his hold on me. 

"Honey, we need to head back downstairs, that means you have to let go so at least we can get dressed." I rub my hands up and down the sides of his shoulders. We've just had a very intimate discussion after a very passionate session of sex, I know he's feeling slightly vulnerable after his confession to me. 

He thinks I don't notice it, but he always feels vulnerable around me when we have serious talks. I'm glad he's able to open up to me like that, to tell me the truth. I also know that he spends too much time worrying about how I'll react to the things he says or does, maybe that's my fault because of how I reacted towards him when he first came clean to me about who he really was. 

I know I reacted poorly, though who wouldn't have freaked out when placed in my shoes? I regret having pushed him away initially after he confessed to me who he was and what his real career was, but I was scared. Part of me still worries about what he is capable of doing, though now I believe that he will never hurt me it doesn't mean he won't or doesn't hurt other people and I think that is what scares me.

I want to show Dominic, though, that I can be strong and listen to him. I want to be his rock, his lighthouse, his confidant. I want to be there for him when he's stressed or angry or confused. I want to be there for him, like he's always been there for me. I want to be his person.